Mission Impossible: Christmas Edition (Gareth)

[seven2]

For some reason, whenever Sasha thought of France it was always summer. She pictured a place with meadows and forests and mountains and beaches.... and it was always warm. This chilly city that produced far too much rain was incongruous with her mental image. There had even been frost on her window pane early that morning. What was that about? Winter, apparently. She wasn't a stranger to winter weather or anything. Boston got chilly enough, and she had spent time further north in true, severe winter as well. She was used to Parisian weather by now, after a couple of years of living here, but by some miracle of stubbornness her mental image remained unchanged, sparking fresh surprise every time the temperatures began to dip lower and lower as the year wore on. It was nice having the four distinct seasons though, and she would no doubt miss them if France was stuck in perpetual summer. The shift in weather added to the holiday spirit. Christmas had so much more meaning if you could wrap yourself in a blanket and drink hot cocoa. Admittedly you could do that any day, it just looked less weird if it was the right weather for it.

Today was a particularly chilly day for November, the temperature hovering in the low forties and the sky a featureless mass of dull gray. She briefly considered figuring out what the metric equivalent was, but what would be the point? She was hampered by the Imperial system, the one that nobody seemed to use, apparently, and she hadn't yet managed to shift her manner of thinking over to metric. Despite the somewhat somber weather, Sasha was in a good mood. It wasn't raining, after all, and the shopping torture had yet to commence. She had a blue umbrella hanging from her arm in case those clouds decided to get down to business. She only wished she had an equally suitable defense against shopping. It was close, though. She was en route to a neighborhood filled with little shops, in hopes of finding some items that she could ship home to her family and friends. She had managed to talk Gareth into coming with her, a surprisingly easy endeavor. He probably hated shopping more than she did, which was regrettable. She glanced at him quickly, feeling a twinge of guilt for dragging him along. He said he still had shopping to do, though, so it's not like he was making a total sacrifice for her... Sasha decided to go over her objectives for the day rather than break their amicable silence. She liked starting early with holiday shopping, because she had a lot of people to buy for and most of them were very picky. The easiest presents were already squared away and wrapped. The more challenging ones she hoped to get taken care of today.

Sasha slowed down and gradually came to a stop as they rounded the corner to their destination street. Her eyes widened at the sight of all of the people milling around. Apparently, 10 a.m. on a weekend was a common time to get your holiday shopping done. Pulling her winter coat more tightly around her, she looked down the street at the signs, trying to decide where to go first. ”You ready for this?” Her eyebrows drew together with doubt. Happy thoughts dispersed. The torture had commenced.

She took a tentative step forward, her eyes on a warm-looking artisan shop. It was a start. ”So...” she started as she pushed the heavy wooden door open. The store was comfortably empty except for a bored-looking clerk in the back. ”You've got a boyfriend?” There really was no natural way to segway into that topic, as far as Sasha was concerned. But she was honestly curious about it, as well as wanting to know... ”Why didn't you mention it?” She had entered the store now, keeping her eyes fixed on the items lining the shelves and walls, all neatly arranged. The center aisles were filled with the smaller odd and ends, while the outer walls displayed the more expensive wares. ”He seemed nice... a little odd, but nice.” She picked up a highly polished ceramic vase, frowning at her distorted reflection. She didn't know anyone who would like a vase. Prying for information was unnatural for her, and those few questions were as far as she would go. Her main concern was making sure her friend was happy.

[gareth nash brace]

Gareth despised shopping with all of his heart, but around this time of year, it was a painful necessity. More than once, he had considered just declaring that he didn't celebrate Christmas, but that would just be stupid, once he thought about it more. It would just lead to awkward little conversations with the few friends he had, and if he had no other reason than to avoid the shopping part of it, why even bother? The rest of the winter holiday was actually quite enjoyable, or at least, it had been for the past two years in Paris. A few gifts for friends, then time to himself. He wasn't forced to spend it with his family anymore, which he enjoyed. Christmas with his family had never really been a happy event for him, shut off in the kitchen cooking side dishes at the last moment because his mother just wanted him out of the living room while the little family of three shared presents. Now that he thought about it, the presents Gareth had gotten from his mother and step father had always been socks. Nothing but socks. Maybe he'd send some socks back to them this year... the idea brought a small smile to his face; two presents covered.

Of course, he knew a lot more people than he had this time last year, which made it harder to buy gifts. Normally he just sent something home for his mother and Chelsea, got something for Sasha, and he was done. Until he had met Cass and been introduced to all his friends, Gareth had been an antisocial hermit. In fact, he still was, but at least he could put names to some faces now. Even though, yes, Cass had been the one to introduce him to most of those faces. And he had no idea who to buy gifts for, either! After a lot of thought, he'd just decided to add two people to his Christmas shopping list this year. Alexei and Cass, and he had no idea what to get either of them. Well, this was part of the reason he had agreed to go shopping with Sasha. She was creative and could give him ideas, and he hated shopping alone even more than he hated shopping in general, so his friend provided good company.

”I don't know,” he said in response to Sasha's first question, shrugging his shoulders in an almost non committal way. Was he ready for shopping? Were people like Gareth ever ready for shopping? The answer was pretty easy to guess from his expression; the photography student looked like he was about to be burned at the stake. ”Okay, no. Why do we have to do this, Sasha? Let's go get lunch or something before entering hell.” It was somewhere in between a dare and a plea, to be honest. Gareth really didn't want to go shopping, since he already had presents picked out for the most important people. Meaning Sasha, his family, and half of Cass' present. ”I mean, Christmas shopping can be saved for later, can't it?” Gareth normally scolded other people for procrastinating, but when it came to stuff he hated? Admittedly, Gareth didn't hate many things, but Christmas shopping was high on the short list, and he would hold it off for as long as possible. He gave up as they entered the little shop, though, since it would just be plain silly to walk in and out again. If there was anything Gareth hated more than shopping, it was looking silly, though he dealt with it a lot better.

”Uh, yeah,” he agreed quietly, shrugging out of his coat and draping it over his arm as he looked around the shop. ”His name's Cass... He told you that already, though. And I didn't tell you because the topic never came up.” The photographer got a little defensive near the end there; he'd had plenty of other reasons for not telling his best friend about his boyfriend, but that was the only acceptable excuse. Others consisted of embarrassment and the general fact that he liked having his privacy, but he didn't think that Sasha would take either of those reasons very well. ”Do you think I should send my dad a present?” he asked wildly, just to change the subject.

[seven2]

As much as her family suffocated her, pressured her, underestimated her, and just plain ignored her, Sasha loved them. It was unconditional; she couldn't help it. They were good people, and they meant well. Yes, she wanted them to relax and stop to smell the roses on their never-ending march to success, but she still loved them. So, despite having a completely different philosophy on life than the rest of them, she always put a lot of effort into their gifts. She had friends back in the States as well, and they all deserved gifts. Money was not an issue for her, which she was thankful for. Her issue was with going out with only a rough idea of what to buy for everyone. She couldn't bring herself to shop online for all of the gifts either. It just sucked all of the emotion out of it. A gift wasn't personal if you didn't even have to get out of bed to purchase it. So she was stuck with this torture ever year, although this year she had managed to recruit Gareth to share the burden. His presence helped, because she knew he hated shopping more than she did, and if she had to make an effort to keep him at it then it would serve the double purpose of keeping her at the task as well.

This notion was immediately put to the test. When Gareth began to balk at the idea, she linked her arm around his and started deliberately walking toward the store of choice. By the time he had finished speaking, they were already entering. ”It's not lunch time yet. And if we put it off we'll never get it done. We'd just slowly wind our way back home and watch Looney Tunes all day. Again.” She stopped, a puzzled look crossing her face. Had she just said that out loud? Clearly she had stopped talking solely to Gareth at some point and had switched to trying to convince herself. Well, it had worked. She smiled at Gareth; she knew he'd be helpful. She still felt bad for making him suffer with her, but at least the conversation change gave them something else to think about.

She bit her bottom lip as she studied the vase, a sign that she was feeling uncomfortable. She'd caught the defensive note in Gareth's voice, and since she hadn't wanted to pry in the first place it just made her feel worse about it. Well, at least she knew. And he had a point: the topic had never come up, but when would it? “So Gareth, have a boyfriend yet?” No, she wouldn't ask something like that. It wasn't her business; she had only asked because she'd “met” him in the chat room. ”I don't mind, Gar, I was just wondering.” Anyway, it was apparently time for a topic change, facilitated by Gareth. Sasha didn't mind in the least. In fact, she was glad t move the conversation along.

Until... well damn. Let's just segway neatly from boyfriend to estranged father. Sasha didn't know what to say to that, actually. She remembered Oliver as the strange, eccentric man that her uncle worked with and that Gareth had always been trying to get away from on his visits. Even after Gareth had stopped visiting she would see Oliver from time to time, and he remained much the same. She had seen him through the filter given her by Gareth, so she was never very pleasant toward him. ”Didn't you sort of... stop talking to him? I mean, do you even know his address anymore? I guess I could ask my uncle about it, but...” She frowned, setting the vase down. Sasha turned to look at Gareth, when it occurred to her that maybe that wasn't a serious question. All the same, she'd give it a serious answer. ”No, I don't think you should. Stick to people you care about.” Which reminded her... she needed to get him his present. It was something she already had picked out, but obviously she couldn't buy it with him today. Ugh, that would mean another shopping trip. Alone. She shuddered at the prospect.

[gareth nash brace]

The comment about Looney Tunes made Gareth smile slightly, but no amount of happy thoughts could shed any good cheer on what Gareth considered such a horrible task. He couldn't understand how so many people could actually find pleasure in wandering around shops and buying things; there just wasn't any logic behind it. But then again, Gareth never really seemed to share interests with most of society. ”I wouldn't mind watching Looney Tunes if it would stop you from dragging me shopping,” he muttered, being a bit unfair. He'd agreed to come along, after all. It wasn't like this was entirely against his will, but even if it had been his own choice to accompany Sasha shopping, it didn't mean he had to like it. ”When will it be lunch time, anyway?” Anything to escape this torture, even if it meant suffering through the equally bad torture of eating in a restaurant with a friend. Somehow, Gareth managed to make everything he was involved in awkward. He didn't know whether it was a disability or a talent, but it was inconvenient.

”Okay, okay. Sorry that I got all defensive,” he said quietly, before changing the subject as quickly as possible. Why didn't he want to talk about Cass? Too late, he realized that Oliver was probably a much more painful topic than his most beloved boyfriend was. His father was the one that had contributed to him being so insecure and worried all the time, after all. Though out of everyone he knew in Paris, Sasha was probably the only person that knew that. Aerona had forgotten everything, and his little sister couldn't seem to absorb the information that something had actually caused Gareth to be this way. And how many people from a tiny town could be in Paris, anyway? Not many, that was the answer. But that was veering off topic, and Gareth hated to do that. ”Haven't seen him since I was twelve,” he said simply, putting his hands in his pockets and staring at the floor. If he'd cut himself off from his father, shouldn't he have cut off all the emotions pertaining to him, too? Well, no, but Gareth's emotions were always a mess, and his feelings about Oliver were the only ones that were absolutely clear. He despised the guy.

”It's just... I feel bad for not sending him anything, I guess. He doesn't even know what I look like anymore.” That little piece of information brought a frown to Gareth's face; it wasn't something he liked to think about often, but he'd been the one to bring the topic up, after all. Even if it had been on a wild impulse, he still felt obligated to stick with it. At least until Sasha wanted to stop talking about it, that was. He nodded at his friend's advice, taking it to heart. He obviously didn't care about Oliver, and going by the guidelines Sasha had suggested, he probably wouldn't speak to daddy dearest ever again. ”Actually, the last time I saw him, I punched him in the gut and called him a horrible father.” Oddly enough, that returned the small smile to the photographer's face. ”Do you think that's pathetic?” It was a useless question. Sasha was his best friend, he already knew the answer.

[seven2]

There was a cafe some distance down the block. A handful of shops separated the pair from the relative tranquility of a lunch break. Sasha was determined to be productive today, but the promise of a nice meal would be a nice reward. The trouble with buying gifts for her family was that the majority of them were rich enough to purchase whatever they wanted, and they were not the sentimental type so it was impossible to know everyone's individual tastes. She had been given some leeway as far as gift giving by tacking her name onto her parents' contribution. She was thankful that half of her family was Russian, and was thus spared from having to send them gifts. There were a few select people, however, that she needed to send something personal to. It was nearly impossible to unravel the dynamics of the Hawkins family. They were incredibly connected, and lived in a fairly concentrated area so they saw each other often. They were close without being loving, though, and there was a strong tradition of detachment among them. There was love, of course, but most of the time it came in the form of grand advice and hefty allowances. It wasn't all bad, of course. Sasha could put up with the overbearing attitudes, so she got to see the nicer sides to each family member and was actually able to get closer than the rest. While everybody else was busy imposing their points of view, Sasha was happy to defer to their opinions and listen to everybody.

She realized her family life was far different from Gareth's. She was therefore not really qualified to have an opinion on it. She couldn't imagine closing herself off from a member of her family. It simply couldn't be done. Had it been eight years since Gareth last came to the States? That made sense, and Sasha certainly didn't blame him, but she was completely unfamiliar with the protocol for something like that. Should Gar reach out to his father again? Only if he wanted to, would be her advice, and she had a pretty good idea that he did not want to. She gave Gareth a sympathetic smile and said, ”His loss.” As she said it she stepped forward to give Gareth a half hug. She had stopped her half-assed attempt at shopping for now to focus on Gareth. ”I do not. I'm sure he deserved it. I totally support whatever you plan to do, in any case. Just decide based on what makes you happy, you know? You don't owe him anything. Except half of your DNA, but that doesn't count, does it?” She laughed lightly, hoping her sad little attempt at humor would have some effect. The truth was, most of Sasha's attempts at humor were sad. It didn't take much to make her laugh, and it sometimes saddened her that the rest of the world was not so easily amused.

She resumed looking over the items, idly running her fingertips along the edge of the wooden shelves. Feeling a change in subject was in order, she asked, ”Are you going home for the holidays? I think I have to, but I don't want to leave you here alone.” She knew he had friends beside her, and now she knew about Cass, but she still hated the idea of him being alone at Christmas. Knowing how his family was, she wasn't sure going home was much better. Best case scenario was that he would spend it with people here in Paris. Of course, she could always drag him back to Boston with her but meeting her clan en masse might push him over the edge. She stopped abruptly and looked around the shop. Little trinkets, vases, glass figurines.... ”What are we doing here?” There was seriously nothing in this store she would ever consider buying. Turning to look at her friend, she asked, ”Bookstore?”

[gareth nash brace]

If Gareth was awkward, at least he wasn't alone in his little world. Sure, he and Sasha were best friends, and he loved her in a way that he could never love Cass or Chelsea, but he could only return an even more awkward version of her hug, resting his head against hers for a moment before stepping away. Oliver had really loved his son, so of course it was his loss, but what Gareth really wanted to know was whether to was his own loss, too. He was just too afraid to ask, because what if the answer was yes? He didn't like his father, and he doubted he ever would, but what if there was some key part that was missing from his life whenever he avoided his family? He would either have to spend more time with the people he hated, or live with the information that something was missing. For now, he'd go with the easy choice; blissful ignorance. ”I think half my DNA counts, Sasha,” he said, rolling his eyes slightly and putting his hands back into his pockets. Maybe his friend wasn't the best at making jokes, but the point was that she was trying to cheer him up, and that was appreciated.

Even if Sasha thought Oliver had deserved it, Gareth still felt kind of bad, now that he thought about it. The photographer rarely got mad at anyone, let alone punched them. And his dad, of all people? Weren't parents supposed to be there for their kids, no matter what? He knew that his father hadn't been abusive – though his mother had – and that compared to other people's dads, Oliver was a great father. It was just that Oliver didn't really provide anything that Gareth had needed, which was a stable personality that hadn't ignored him. Oliver hadn't ignored him in any sense, but he certainly hadn't been a stable personality, and Gareth was guessing that he still wasn't. Even though he hadn't talked to his father in eight years, he just couldn't imagine someone like Oliver as a normal person. So, yes, maybe his father had deserved the punch in a gut and the declaration that he was a horrible father, but at the same time, it might have hurt him a lot more to have it coming from his son. Thus, Gareth's remaining guilt.

After a short trip to the counter to purchase something he had picked out soon after he and Sasha had waled into the store, Gareth returned to standing by his friend's side, looking over at her as she mentioned where he was spending Christmas. It was nice not to have to look up or down, like he had to do with Cass and Chelsea. ”I'm going to ask Chelsea to go home, but I'll probably stay here. If Cass is spending it with his family, then I'll probably just spend another holiday alone,” he admitted, yawning and stretching. He didn't mean for it to sound so self pitying, but it was true. Gareth spent most of his holidays alone, and he was used to it by now. He wasn't very social in the first place, so it wasn't like he minded that much. Maybe it was even a relief to spend them alone, because most social events seemed draining to him, but it wasn't like he had any social holidays to compare it to. "If you don't want me to be alone, you could always invite me to meet your family,” he said teasingly, bumping his shoulder lightly against Sasha's before returning to his awkward standing position. To tell the truth, he'd never met Sasha's family, but it wasn't like he expected to. She never really seemed joyful while telling him about them. ”And yes, bookstore. I doubt we're going to find much else here..” Even though Sasha's recently bought present was stuffed in a bag in his coat pocket.