feeling safe and sound /anouk&cass*

[anouk lirienne fournier]

She was ready for the pity looks, Anouk didn’t have the chance to look herself in a mirror but she didn’t need to do it because she was seeing how she looked in both Cass’ and Alexei’s eyes and she was sure it was the same face that stared back at her in the mornings before she applied makeup and tried to hide how pale and sick she was looking. Now all of that was being exposed for them, but after seeing her almost dead how could she bring herself to care about how she looked like? She was too tired and weak to even think about it. She had to say having both of them in the room wasn’t exactly what she expected when she woke up but honestly, what did she expect? She should be dead! Anouk sighed and let her eyes close for a second, trying to readjust her position in the bed to be more comfortable, as if that was even possible. She giggled tiredly when Cass stuck his tongue out like a child would have done; leave it to Cass to know how to always make her feel better. “Fine, even if I look weak I can still kick your ass.” Cass could never be compared to Alexei, as horrible as that might sound, but he had a way of making her smiled. Their relationship, if that could even be called like that, had been a very funny carefree one, no worries, no compromise just… fun. There weren’t feelings involved, no romantic couple bullshit, but here he was now worrying about her, caring about her and supporting her. And Anouk had to admit she was in need of this. She lost Alexei already; even if he was standing right besides her it was as if he was worlds away from her.

She couldn’t remember what happened between the last time she closed her eyes and when she woke up in the hospital but she perfectly knew her feelings. She was decided to let them die though, like her heart was dead right now and allow Alexei peace of mind. She didn’t want him to touch her, to make things complicated for her because they were complicated enough. Hadn’t she suffer enough already? What was he trying to do? It was right that she was his step-sister but seriously, he had told her to vanish out of his life. Anouk didn’t want to think about all that right now though but she knew what she had done, hurt them both quite deeply and Anouk knew she was going to regret this for a very long time. She turned her head from Alexei to Cass when he commented nothing, she had been a bit nasty but well, could he blame her? No, after how he acted toward her she was in fact even being nice. She tried to smile at Cass and this time it came better. “Oh yes, I do love it.” She said giggling softly. “But you know, you are covered in blood, and though it’s my blood and it’s very pretty because it’s mine, it’s not something you should wear.” Anouk could tell there was something she was missing, something out of place that wasn’t right… but she couldn’t place a finger on it, she couldn’t very well remember if she had said something while she had been… dead? Almost dead?

Then her attention was focused on Alexei again and out of the blue she panicked at his words. Anouk had wanted him to go, but she didn’t really want that. Thinking about him leaving her side, possibly to not come back was horrible. She should be getting used to it though because she would have to evade him since he wanted her out of his life and after what she had done… but facing Cass alone was something she wasn’t ready for. Cass wasn’t stupid; her killing herself was enough proof for him to know that she loved Alexei, even if Alexei didn’t love her back. Of course that hadn’t been the main reason, alcohol and drugs just magnified her depression, him rejecting her had only been the last push to the edge. But back to the main topic, she didn’t want him to leave her side; she didn’t want him out of sight because it was as if she was going to lose him forever. It was time to face some things; it was time to face this. “I’m sorry.” She said, softly. “I’m so sorry for this… I know, I know that I… I don’t even have words to explain this. I’m sorry to both of you, and though being sorry won’t fix this and make you feel better… it wasn’t my intention.”

----

WORD COUNT, 792
NOTES, aww poor them ><

[ciaran cassidy corbett]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font]

This situation kept going from bad to worse. Cass didn’t know how to be supportive, he didn’t know how to be there for someone and while he tried, he felt it came out horribly awkward. Now aware of Anouk’s feelings for Alex, Cass couldn’t help but feel trapped in a very unwilling love triangle in which he honestly had no place. He loved Anouk, that was for sure, but ever since they met and clicked so easily he knew they were far too similar and far too compatible for it to be workable. She had a world inside her head just like Cass had his own little workings and madness going on inside his own. Her behavior and her attitude started making sense when she blurted out the hazy love confession and while Cass was indeed a little bit hurt by it, he wasn’t entirely surprised.

“Red is my color.” He said simply, and glanced back down at his dirty shirt. “It’s more like copper now thought but only you and me care for those artistic technicalities.” He chuckled and shrugged. He could easily steal one of those handy doctor shirts, maybe even a labcoat and troll down the hallways pretending he was a doctor, flirt with some nurses, make out in the supplies room… wait no, he was getting sidetracked again. His train of thought was interrupted by Alex announcing his exit. As strange as it sounded, Cass panicked almost as much as Anouk did, but for entirely different reasons. He wanted him to stay because if he left, he’d be alone with Anouk and then he really would have no idea of what to do.

“No. Don’t go.” He practically commanded in that slightly panicky and very childish tone of voice a kid would use to beg his parents to stay. His head even perked up from its resting position and his blue eyes focused on Alex’s back. He couldn’t add a ‘because I don’t know what the hell to do’ or any other reason for him to want to keep Alex around since that would be a big blow to his ego. Noticing his own reaction, Cass once again shrunk his shoulders and returned his head down, as if he hadn’t just begged the guy he attacked an hour ago to stay with them. Luckily Anouk interrupted his little fit and offered apologies. Cass let out an almost unconscious low groan, again more like a puppy than a human being as he turned to look at her. Apologies, why was she apologizing? It had been her fault as much as theirs and if anyone needed to apologize it was both of them. Cass wasn’t good with apologies though, he failed at life when it came down to admitting he was wrong, and this had been one huge mess he failed to notice and prevent. Looking down at the floor like a scolded child he removed his hand from Anouk’s, feeling it wasn’t exactly his place to be, but Alex’s. “I’m sorry too, you know… I should’ve noticed earlier the whole… mess… thing… whatever…” He shrugged again, finally lifting his gaze from the boring tiles and fixing it on Anouk. “But the important thing is that you’re ok, right? And that you won’t do it again, right?” The hopeful smile on his face again reflected his majorly childish nature, something Cass would probably never be able to get rid of. “And now we can sit and laugh and forget about that and remember the good times like how Alex smiled like a bloody idiot when you blurted out you love him while dying and… uh…” Cass blinked, realizing he probably mentioned something that he shouldn’t have. “Yeah… talk about awkward now…” Serious Cass… seriously?

[/center]
words 626
tagged alex ☻
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
notes cass what is this... i don't even... [/size]

[alexei leon fournier]

The idea of a hospital made Alex feel terrified even if he wasn’t showing it. The last time h had been in one of them was when he was eleven and being treated for the burn marks on his back and getting the news that his mother had died on the scene and hadn’t even made it as far as the hospital to see if Alex was alright. Other than that, Alex had never made a trip to the hospital and he didn’t want to either. Hospitals were scary, doctors pitied you depending on what you had and they took so long to tell you what was wrong with the patient as if they were in some sort of television drama series. He could remember that day like it was just yesterday, his screams echoing down the halls of the hospital as he was entered in a rush, his body writhing in pain and little blotches of coolness being pressed against him as doctors tried to get him into a room quickly. Though he knew he had to keep himself quiet, Alex couldn’t because the pain was unbearable, the pain of his scarred back as well as the pain of almost losing his mother (because he didn’t know at that moment she was already dead). His cries had then just stifled down to little whimpers while anesthetic was being poured into him. Now you could see why he didn’t like hospitals.

He tried to look non-interested though, but the idea of someone else dying on him had been hard and mainly because it would probably be the second time he had caused a person to die. He didn’t want that hanging over his head and he didn’t want Anouk to leave him at all. Those two moments in his life would have to be the worst, it seemed like girls would kill him one day. But this was really no time for jokes considering the condition that he had forced herself to go into, he had no right to make any jokes at all. Of course Cass could and of course she would be worried about him because he had no reason to feel guilty. He was guilt free and she loved him and he would have to pretend to be happy and watch the both of them interact with one another while he probably spent the rest of his life alone because he was so stupid to not tell her that he loved her. He could say it now right? But where would that get him? She would probably think that he was only saying that because he was the cause behind her suicide.

His body came to a slow halt as Anouk began to speak but he didn’t turn around to look at her, but he did raise an eyebrow when Cass was the one wanting him to stay as well. Well…it seemed like the boy wanted him around after all that fighting too. It was sort of heart breaking to hear Anouk apologise because she had no reason to, it was probably hi who had to apologise. Apologise to her for causing her to go through this pain; he was the asshole in their relationship not her. He turned around as Cass began to speak, the little red streak across his shirt slowly sinking in properly now to his body and making him feel cold. His jaw tightened as Cass finished speaking, though Alex had tried to walk out, he was nearing to the edge of the bed and his hand slapped Cass at the back of his head, not hard but hard enough to make him realize that he was being an idiot. Rolling his eyes he looked at Anouk, his lips pursed slightly before he let out a sigh. He wasn’t going to comment on what Cass was saying. “You don’t need to apologise.” He directed Anouk without looking at her. “I should be the one apologizing for putting you in such a predicament. I’m sorry.”

tagged// anouk/cass!
word count// 671!
thoughts// naughty cass!

[anouk lirienne fournier]

What she had done was slowly sinking into her brain. Anouk had been avoiding thinking about it, the reason she was laying right now in the uncomfortable soft green bed in such an impersonal room in the hospital. But every time she tried to do so something reminded her of it, she was trying to be strong, to look carefree, not worried at all about her state as if she wasn’t fighting against death moments ago, or better expressed, trying to go along with it. Anouk was making jokes about her condition, about her health and the blood trying to… well, make it more bearable and quit some worries of both Cass and Alexei’s back. She wasn’t going to rummage about it anymore; she didn’t need more food for her brain at all. She laughed weakly at Cass comment hating the fact that she couldn’t even fake being alright properly, well not that her looks were helping her either. She avoided hospitals because she didn’t like them, Anouk believed she didn’t need the help that she could do it on her own but no, there she was now and she was so wishing to be out of there. “Yes, it’s not like anyone else will notice right?” She laughed softly again her chest a bit heavy. Alexei would of course but well, not that she cared anymore about that at all, or she tried not to.

But not caring went out the window when he announced he was leaving and to Anouk’s surprise she wasn’t the only one who wanted him to stay, Cass did, too. Well the boy was never one of being supportive, in fact he built himself a reputation about not caring and giving a damn about anyone but himself and Anouk had came, flipped over his world and turned it all around so it wasn’t as if she could blame him, she had placed him in a position he didn’t want to be. It hurt her a bit that Cass didn’t want to stay around, suffering a great deal of pain helped dealing it with better and years of faking also helped keep her feelings out of her face. She owned both of them an apology but she said a lot of lies on it, though not technically, it had been exactly her intention to die though she hadn’t expected to survive at all, she didn’t think about how much that would hurt both of them because being honest, she wouldn’t be there to deal with it right? Wrong, because she hadn’t count with the possibility of being found and saved and that crashed upon her.

Alexei stopped but didn’t turn to look at her; it was alright though because she didn’t want to see his face either it would only make her pain less bearable. But another more important thing called her attention when Cass started to apologize, what in hell for? She had dragged him into this, she had flipped his life over, throw him into this situation believing the only one who was going to get hurt was her and being wrong once again. Her hand felt strangely empty when Cass released it and Anouk sighed. “Do not dare. You didn’t notice because I made bloody sure to hide things from you and everyone else for that matter.” She narrowed her eyes, pain in her chest slowly increasing and making it hard for her to breathe, her heart aching too. She closed her eyes trying to relax herself, if her emotions got out of hand right now a lot of machines will go off and betray her and she didn’t need that at all. “I look worse than it really is.” She said trying to lighten the mood and purposely failing to answer Cass second question, Anouk couldn’t promise him something she wasn’t sure she could keep.

The next sentence was such a shook that the smile faded from her face and she went paler if that was possible. Her eyes, that until had been focusing on Cass in order to keep her emotion in check, went to rest now on Alexei’s face that was avoiding looking at her and was trying to distract her with another apology, something she wasn’t even going to buy. The first question that crossed her mind and that she wanted to spit was why on hell Alexei would smile like an idiot when she said something he already knee, hated and rejected with such passion. “You are kidding Cass, and it’s a very bad joke.” She bit her lip and took a deep breath, pain shooting across her chest once more. “Don’t apologize Alex, you don’t need to. You expressed your opinion about the whole thing and I have a different opinion on the matter. This… was just another of my stupid experiments.” Why was she trying for him not to blame himself? He shouldn’t even be blaming himself in the first place because he was the one wishing for her to be out of his life, well Anouk was sure this wasn’t exactly what he meant but… who cared about details? “But you are right Cass, now we can sit and laugh and remember the good times.” Yay for good old times, right? Wait, she didn’t have any but she could pretend, after all her life had been all about pretending.

----

WORD COUNT, 895
NOTES, she wanted to scold alex for hitting cass but... she was too surprised and worried about keeping herself in control XD

[ciaran cassidy corbett]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font]

Where were those damned metaphorical holes to hide in when you needed them? Cass could use one right now. It’s not like he had said a lie or anything, but even Cass could tell when a situation called for a different attitude and the one he just showed wasn’t exactly what anyone would consider ‘appropriate’. Oh well, too late now and the Cass way of dealing with things indicated he should just… go along with it. The smack on his head was certainly unwelcome though. He turned to glare at Alex and would’ve added a hiss if he was a cat. No hissing though, he merely shot a dirty glance at the other before returning his attention to Anouk, all while mumbling a very soft and barely audible “I wasn’t kidding…”

Well at least Alex wasn’t leaving. The situation was no less uncomfortable but at least Cass wouldn’t have to face things by himself. He didn’t like Alex for the most part but at least Cass had to admit he was mature enough to deal with something like this. Cass probably would’ve jumped off the window in a lame attempt to escape or something if this had happened without the other around. But no, nothing of that. He had just said it, everything would be alright now, right? Wrong.

If there was something Cass didn’t like was being lied at. So far Anouk had done one hell of a job hiding stuff and pretending everything was alright but that wouldn’t work anymore. Not now that she was lying on a hospital bed looking like she was about to pass out and with bandages on her wrists. She had just tried to freakin’ kill herself and yet here she was, smiling and saying it wasn’t as bad as it looked. Well Cass may not have been the brightest crayon in the box but he did know that killing yourself didn’t magically fix things. Whatever made Anouk go to this extreme was still there, it wasn’t like the problem had blurted out along with all the blood from he wrists and she was all ok and dandy now.

Plopping in a tired way on the nearest chair, Cass turned to look from Anouk to Alex, trying to see if any of them would actively approach the issue. He wasn’t too patient though and merely a couple seconds later he frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah now that we’re done apologizing and awkward situations aside… could you stop pretending everything’s alright?” Ok, that came out a bit harsher than intended but… too late now. “You’re not alright, you’re not even close to being ok. You don’t look ‘worse than it really is’ and we all know it. And don’t even think I missed the fact that you didn’t answer when I said you wouldn’t do it ever again.” The change in Cass attitude was his very strange way to show his concern. While he would’ve loved to go on and continue saying everything would be alright something in him told him that it wouldn’t, not if they didn’t fix whatever it needed to be fixed. It wasn’t his call though, a big part of what took Anouk to this situation had to do with Alex and not with him but at least he could bare the load of forcing them to face it. Looking back at Alex he yanked at his arm in an attempt to make his point go through. “Say something.” He motioned for Alex to speak, to say something that would stop Anouk from staying in that pit she was in because Cass certainly wouldn’t much help with that.

[/center]
words 612
tagged alex ☻
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
notes this one came out a little weird D<[/size]

[alexei leon fournier]

The pain that Anouk was in could be evidently seen across her features. Sure, she was showing a smile here and there, laughing as if to lessen the extremeness of what she had done, but no. That couldn’t be done. Could she even think for a moment that just because she was smiling, just because she was trying to show both himself and Cass that that there was nothing to worry about, that the both of them could even stop worrying? Because if she did then she was terribly wrong. He was too worried in fact; he didn’t want her to know though. Why was he going to put her through even more heartbreak? If he told her right then that he loved her, then she would think he was only doing that because she had tried to commit suicide, she would probably think that he was lying just to make sure that she would recover quite quickly. And he didn’t want her to hate him more than she already did, it was already putting a strain on their brother and sister relationship so if he told her that now…it would just affect their entire relationship in general and he didn’t want that.

Even if she thought that he didn’t want her in his life, she was wrong when it came to that. He did want her. When he had found out…he didn’t want her in his life because of the fact that he didn’t see her in that way and he didn’t want her to get hurt if he ever found someone else to be with. He didn’t want her there to see him carrying on with his life because she was obviously truly infatuated with him. But if she loved him this much…if she loved him that a simple rejection had caused her to go spiraling down into a depression…then she must really love him right? Raising an eyebrow as Anouk spoke about Cass joking when he said that Alex had smiled, he realized that Anouk had set her mind on it. Her mind had gripped to the fact that he didn’t want her in that way, so why should he change her mind now? If he did that…it would be as if he were playing mind games with her when in fact it was the complete opposite. But to keep it all calm and mellow he didn’t say anything, his gaze moving from the tubes in her arms, the machines by her bedside and the plain beige walls, anywhere really except for her face.

For once out of the entire seven or eight hours they had been in the hospital for, Alex was glad that Cass was in the room, because the boy could speak. He could say what was in his mind without a fear of hurting anyone and that was exactly what he did. Anouk needed a bit of tough love, even if it was from Cass and even if Alex didn’t particularly like him, but now was a good time to like Cass. Just for a second, Alex felt slightly horrible for slapping Cass’ head, just for a second but no longer. Looking down at Cass as the boy tugged on his arm, he let out an inaudible sigh. It was supposed to be the big bang right now? When he exclaimed to her that he loved her and all that jazz? But he couldn’t do it, he didn’t want to make her feel any more horrible than what she was feeling already, so picking up his head a little, he looked at Anouk.

For a few seconds he was quiet, weighing in his options of what he should say and then finally his mouth opened and he spoke. “You can lie all you want but like he said, we know you’re not alright. Stop trying to be strong for once and just let go, I know what I did…what I said before is probably unforgivable, no don’t even try and stop me to say it I, because it definitely isn’t. I hurt you and for that I apologise, but you going to these types of lengths…it’s not an experiment and we all know that…” he stopped himself, shaking his head a little. “We just want you to be happy OK? We just want you to be able to live your life and since Cass is a healthier option, someone who’ll definitely be there when things get tough…I think it’ll be best if you stay with him. I love you, I do. You mean a lot to me.” He stopped himself quite quickly, at least the truth was out, he did love her…but he knew he wouldn’t take it in that way. She’d probably think he was letting her go gently. In the back of his mind, something was telling him that he said the wrong things though.

tagged// anouk/cass!
word count// 814!
thoughts// uh oh!

[anouk lirienne fournier]

Talking about awkward moments, she didn’t miss the fact that Alex was looking everywhere but her and with a small smile on his face… but something else distracted her. Anouk had been trying to avoid a lot of things, especially talking about what she did and everything that had to do with it. Cass hadn’t been one of showing concern and all that jazz but he wasn’t the most appropriate to force her to face things when all he did was running away from them just like she did. She was trying to get over her pain or at least bearing it on her own like she always did, first because she didn’t want to hurt them with her feelings and second because she knew no other way to deal with them. Right now, so tired and weak and looking so horrible with no place to hide and all her secrets exposed… she was forced to face the truth and she was all but ready to do so. So when Cass spoke, when he said in such a tiresome voice… she flinched. What was broken inside wasn’t only Alexei, she had major problems with alcohol, parties, boys and drugs. She was in a world she didn’t want him to know, Anouk was surrounded by drug dealers and all sort of people because she could care less about life. She lied, pretended, faked, enjoyed the kind of life style she had… most of the time. She hated looking herself at a mirror in the mornings all the makeup smeared over her face knowing she slept around with another name… But that was her life and she dealt with it the best way she could, so far she hadn’t worried anyone before right? Not until now anyway.

Dealing with what Cass said… well she could deal with that just fine; it was the truth, the hard slap in the face truth but still. But then he forced Alexei to talk too, her forced Alexei to say something placing him in a compromise and her in a situation she didn’t want to be at all. What was that saying? Oh yes, eye for eye… this could be called payback, a very twisted and painful and inconvenient payback. She could handle Cass worrying but Alexei faking being all worried about her? Alexei saying all those things? Oh no, that was an absolute no. Anouk narrowed her eyes at him; well both of them, but especially at Alexei. She laughed a dry sarcastic and fake laugh. When he said he loved her… well that had been one big slap. “You love me? Did you have the nerve to say that? Fuck you, fuck you really.” She said, shooting him the dirtiest look she could muster. “You… of all people. You are telling me to be happy? Please, don’t try to fool me, stop all this, I don’t even know what you are doing here in the first place. Are you here as my brother? Or as the guy who broke my heart, stepped on it and throw it out of the window?” She laughed again totally humorless. He out of all people was the one who couldn’t wish her to be happy, he out of all people “First you are not the only fucking reason I’m here! My world, even if I lead you to think otherwise, does not revolves around you! I’m okay, you don’t even care about it, why are you trying to look like you? Why are you telling me to stop lying when all you do is lie to me?!”

A few tears ran down her face, first she was in physical pain but the most important one was the emotional one. She tried to straighten herself in the bed in a sitting position and when she tried to support herself in her arms they failed, well what was she expecting? She made a face of pain but shook her head and sat on the bed then she ran the back of her hand across her eyes to clean them. “You have no rights to tell me what to do or with who should I spend my time. You have no rights to come here and tell me to be alright, and much less to tell me you want to be happy.” Her voice came out broken and restrained because of the tears she was holding back, she had to take a few breathes to calm herself down. Then she focused her eyes on Cass. “And you, throwing me to the sharks… no offense but we both know that ‘being there’ is not on your list of qualities.” She closed her eyes, laying on the bed again resting her head on the pillow and sighing, more tears running down her checks but she was crying in silence.

----

WORD COUNT, 806
NOTES, DANGER!!

[ciaran cassidy corbett]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

[/i][/size]
DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font]

Well such an amusing turn of things! Not. This is what happened when he cared. No wonder he spent so long caring only for himself, situations like this served as a reminder that he should’ve continued doing like he always did: shrug things off, say he didn’t care and eventually it came true. Too late to go back now though, he did care for Anouk. Ok so he wasn’t willing to throw himself off a cliff for her but he DID care for her. Perhaps he shouldn’t have forced Alex to say something, leaving to the frenchie to screw it up like that. I mean, seriously… the healthiest choice? Even Cass had to raise an eyebrow at that one. Since when Mr. Partysaurus rex/Sir Sleep-a-lot/Monsieur ‘I’m failing all my classes’ was the healthiest option? Nuh-huh, even a blind man with mental problems could see that one had been a slip. I mean he could’ve chosen a better word… the sexiest option, the funniest option, the option that would give you some grand sex for as long as it lasted but… certainly not the healthiest.

Cass suppressed the urge to slap his forehead in frustration when Anouk interrupted with her little explosion. This was definitely some dangerous terrain he wasn’t willing to wander into but he did feel the tiniest urge to snort and maybe even laugh when all the aggression was directed towards Alex. Cass obviously didn’t know when to take a situation seriously. Then it was his turn, the ‘and you’ phrase that Anouk started everything with served for him to pay attention to her words. This was what made his relationship with Anouk awesome, they could tell each other things straight to their faces and neither took it as something horribly personal that couldn’t be forgiven. Well, at least that’s how Cass saw it.

“The sharks? The only one behaving like a shark right now is you love, and for the record, those were his words, not mine. We both know very well that I would throw you at the wolves as fast as you’d throw me if the situation asked for it so no, I wouldn’t be there for you.” Plain truth there, and they both knew it very well. Part of that statement was also directed to Alex though, so he would understand a little how his relationship with Anouk worked. “I love you, and you know exactly in what bloody way, and I know you love me in the very same way which is what makes it extremely awesome and turns us in soul mates but we both know neither of us would lift a finger for the other. HE would though, but apparently we’re all busy playing suicidal drama queens to actually do something about it. Tell you what, how about you stop playing with your life like it’s a bloody chewing toy and accept the fact that he loves you and just messed up by rejecting you. You stop playing the ‘I don’t deserve to love her or be with her’ victim because mate, you’d starve as an actor, and I get the hell out of here before she finds the strength to stand up and strangle me with those funky looking oxygen tubes? Huh?” And with all that said, he had been slowly backing off towards the door, just far enough so Anouk couldn’t lounge and chew his head off or something and if Alex decided to back her up and murder him there… well he could take the muppet~

[/center]
words 588
tagged alex ☻
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
notes omg cass, shut up already xD [/size]

[alexei leon fournier]

As soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back, it was jus obvious that he had said the wrong thing but he didn’t know way both of them reacted the way they did. Well why Anouk reacted the way she did, of course he loved her, how could she even doubt that? Even before she had declared her love for him, he had loved her, yes as a sister, but still it was love right? Love was love, some more passionate than others but come on, he was trying his best. When it came to words and speaking, Alex was never good at it at all. From the past few minutes you could tell though right? Everything he seemed to be saying had the opposite effect of what he wanted and it frustrated him to no ends. OK, so maybe Cass wasn’t the best option, o the healthier option for Anouk, but he was at least better than Alex right? It seemed as if all Alex did was bring Anouk down into a depressed state and she didn’t need to be in a relationship with a guy who would bring her down, she needed someone who could make her laugh, i.e. Cass.

His eyes literally widened in slight horror as Anouk began to speak, no really. He even took a small step backwards just in case she decided to grab the stool beside her bed and chuck it at him. But as her words pierced him, he realized that he really had no right to stay there at all. He was just making things worse wasn’t he? He couldn’t say anything that he wanted to her and he was saying some fucked up bullshit and it was all just going to come crashing down and then hurt the both of them. Cass too if the boy decided to stay in the room and get involved even more. He made a slight face, wincing a little as a humorless laugh echoed around the room before she began to speak again. What was this? Attack Alex with fists and words day or something? Rubbing his neck awkwardly he glanced over at Cass, hoping that the boy would speak up and let Alex just camouflage against the walls before escaping. Then he realized he had made a mistake. Why did he have to let him speak for? Alex was stupid; he made a mental note never to let Cass get involved if there ever was a fight again. But still…some of the things the boy said did make sense, not that Alex was going to agree.

The word ‘he’ was emphasized as Cass spoke about him, and Alex had no idea what to say or do so he rocked on the heels of his feet for a few seconds, gazing down into his shoes. His jaw tightened a little, cheeks flushed either in anger or embarrassment, Alex didn’t know. Taking a guess he probably would have said both. Moving a hand, he exhaled, remembering all those breathing exercises he was told to do many a times but never had been actually bothered to do. “Cass. Never speak again. Seriously. Because right now I’d take Anouk’s tubes and strangle you myself.” Still close to the bed, Alex gripped the metal bar at the end of Anouk’s bed, still not looking at her. Looking at Anouk, he shrugged his shoulders. “You’re right, I wasn’t the only factor that drove you to this edge, I’m sorry for even thinking that and I’m sorry for making you cry countless times. But I do…I lo-...” Alex sighed, shaking his head, walking backwards little, small steps. If he could reach the door he could be out of there before Cass and then he wouldn’t feel guiltier. Much better. Or maybe not.

tagged// anouk/cass!
word count// 638!
thoughts// boop!

[anouk lirienne fournier]

Okay so she just woke up a while ago, her mind was hazy, she was dead tired and weak, in pain all over, both mental and physical and in no mood for this kind of thing at all. At any other moment she would have laughed, she would have shrugged, carry on with her act, play ‘everything is alright’ card, right at the moment of course Anouk would snap. Bullshit, stupid meaningless words, empty words… all she wanted to do now was closing her eyes and sleep, rest, clear her mind and get herself together. Was that hard to understand that right now it just wasn’t the best moment to face this kind of thing? And well, she could handle Cass shit, like really; they both knew the deal between them perfectly well, how it worked. But right now her mind just wasn’t working the way it should and she wanted both of them to shut up, she wanted both of them to vanish from the room. So Cass talking wasn’t helping Anouk relax at all, someone should listen to doctors when they advice to ‘not bother the patient’ because you know, recovery and all. She knew Cass wouldn’t give a damn about her if the situation came to it but Anouk… she would have stayed because deep down she was that kind of girl at least when she got attached to someone, and she cared about Cass, she was attached to him somehow.

His words didn’t take he by surprised until he spoke about the relationship between Alexei and her, as if he knew her feelings or Alexei’s one, as if he knew a bloody thing of what was really going on. “It’s funny how you talk about this without knowing a shit.” She said, narrowing her eyes and breathing deep. “You are the king of drama, the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ bloody master, so what the fuck do you think you are doing giving me lessons about love?” She laughed bitterly; a face of pain when she tried to make herself comfortable in bed, being in the hospital was horrible enough. “You know, I love you so don’t take offense at what I’m going to say. You don’t fucking know a thing about me, or about Alexei and much less about what it’s between us, well I should say lack of it. You ran away from problems the exactly same way I do but you do it in order to never get hurt or attached to people, I ran from the pain inside me already, I was broken to begin with, so don’t come here all high and mighty thinking because I look bloody weak I won’t be able to stand by myself and bite you in the ass with your own words. You don’t fucking know a thing about love.” Three years of frustration, of broken dreams and hopes, of abuse of alcohol, sleepless nights, drugs, wrong company…

Anouk knew about love, and it was painful, it was twisted, complicated… horrible but beautiful horrible. It was a contradiction but it was something she had learnt to live with her own way, she wasn’t trying to run away from people in order to not get hurt, she was trying to fill the empty hole in her chest and cease the pain she felt every single morning of her life. “Drama queen, you don’t even know half the things I went through, don’t talk to me as if you know everything Cass. If you did you wouldn’t have failed noticing this.” Then it was Alex turn to speak, it was so pathetic, so weak… he was allowing Cass to have all the weight of this, well bad news for Alex: this was all about him and his bloody idiot mind so he wasn’t going to get unscratched from this, at all. “You do what? You love me? Excuse me while I go laugh my ass off.” She said narrowing her eyes. “You can’t even look at me in the face, what is this? A game? Let’s go fuck Anouk’s life up and then when she is already fucked up let’s do it again? Let me break your bubble, is not happening. You can’t say you want me out and then in again, I’m not your fucking doll to play with.” All those words bottled up inside her, screaming to be left out… “I’ve wasted three years of my life trying to call your attention, three! Here and there, taking care of you when you even forgot to eat because you were oh so busy with your gallery which is the only life you have because if you haven’t noticed you lack of social life.”

Accusations, all the pain from all those three years and the words she had to bite back before… well now they could run freely, they could. “All you know to do is apologize when the damage is already done, don’t do the damage in the first place and you won’t have to deal with consequences. I was very unhappy in my world and life thank you very much. But it was my life and I was managing perfectly fine. I could have kept doing so if you didn’t force the truth out of me!” Now this was much better, adrenaline was rushing in her veins, the power of being angry, the power of being able to say what you wanted to say regardless of the results, regardless of it was going to hurt someone or not. “Get the fuck out of my room. GET OUT! I don’t want to see either of you right now, or for the rest of my life as short as that might be in the future. GET OUT.”

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WORD COUNT, 959
NOTES, o.o

[ciaran cassidy corbett]

don't think too hard if you think it hurts that bad

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DON'T TALK ABOUT IT DON'T LET IT GET YOU DOWN[/font]

This, this is why Cass avoided being close to people, because in the end everything just turned out to be a big fucking mess.

Cass stopped moving towards the door as soon as Anouk started talking. He wasn’t even mildly hurt or surprised at what she was saying, and in fact he did expect something like that. He knew Anouk was explosive and what better moment to explode than right now, when everything was surfacing and the main players were in the same room. Crossing his arms across his chest his face twisted into a very cynical smirk, as if something he had suspected long ago was just proven truth. “You’re so full of rubbish, and the saddest thing is that you don’t even notice! At least I let everyone know from the beginning what’s the bloody deal when it comes to me but all you do is lie and pretend you’re the ‘toughest girl in the world’! Well let me break it to you darling, I’m not the one lying on a bed because she started caring too much. I don’t live a life based on lies and slander. I don’t pretend to not care when in fact I’m crying inside. I don’t lead a fake life with fake smiles and fake feelings, and I may know shit about love but you know less than I do.” His eyes were narrowed and his voice spiteful and caustic. Screw the being nice part because obviously he wasn’t going to get anywhere with it… well actually he never quite tried to be nice, it wasn’t his style, but at least he was trying to not behave like a complete asshole like he was right now.

But he wasn’t done yet…

“Poor little Anouk with her broken heart~ she can’t even pull herself together, boo fucking hoooh. At least you haven’t failed to notice life is a bitch but here’s some piece of bloody advice, life is a bitch to everyone but we’re not playing victim and slitting our wrists. Build a fucking bridge and get the fuck over it like everyone else!” And what that he pretty much stomped out of the room, tired of this situation and pissed at the fact that he actually made a little slip there when he started caring about Anouk. Well this should teach him a good lesson. Party girls were as bad as normal girls, he definitely was going gay after this.

Talking to a girl like that was something his mother would probably have slapped him for. Then again, she kinda deserved it just like he and Alex deserved what they got from her. Oh well, it’s not like he thought this through and made a little monologue prior to this events thinking it would all come to this. Like always Cass just spit what was in his heart and his mind and as usual he probably said too much. Too bad time travel wasn’t possible yet but even if it was, he probably would’ve done the same thing.

As for Alex… well Cass wasn’t an idiot, as soon as he left the room his started walking out with long strides to avoid any type of confrontation with the older male. He just pretty much barked at his lover girl and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with him anymore. They would probably end up fighting again, with more blood involved and more threats from the hospital’s personnel to take them to a police station. He didn’t need that bullshit, he was tired and hungry and sleepy and he just wanted to get home, burn the bloody clothes and sleep off until someone noticed he was missing.

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words 615
tagged alex ☻
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
notes o:[/size]

[alexei leon fournier]

This was taking a turn for the worse wasn’t it? He didn’t imagine that things would escalate so quickly and he didn’t imagine that Cass had a lot of pent up anger. Their relationship was non platonic wasn’t it? They had fun and seemed to best friends, ‘soul mates’ even as both called each other the same term. So why were they so angry at one another? It was probably all, as always, Alex’s fault. He came in between their relationship and now they were all going to pay the consequences for it. He could tell that Anouk was tired of all this, she was weak and she needed rest but all this had to be said didn’t it? All this had to be done and dusted with otherwise it would just be brought up all the time and he would have to suffer through another heartbreak as before and he didn’t want Anouk to go through this rejection again otherwise everything could be worse this time than it was before.

Glancing from Anouk to Cass, he let out a sigh, so sure that the both of them weren’t going to notice since Anouk’s voice rose as she began to shout at Cass about him not knowing anything. But Cass knew didn’t he? He knew that Alex actually loved Anouk, knew that both could go to different lengths for one another, but now it was going to be weird because Anouk wasn’t listening. Love was difficult, one of the most confusing emotions for any human being in this world. Once you were in love and found someone who reciprocated the feelings, it was amazing. It felt gorgeous like nothing could ever harm you again. As if the person that loved you had magical powers that could keep you calm, safe and happy. Alex wanted that, he was sure that he wanted that with Anouk now but she wasn’t going to listen. He had rejected her and she didn’t believe him anymore, and if she did then she was probably trying to get him to feel the same rejection that he had forced her to feel.

He winced at her words when she finally replied to his own, yes he did love her but he knew that she was angry, she had the right to say all these things. Maybe he could try it when she was less angry and calmer? Yes he lacked social life, of course he did but did she have to make it sound like a bad thing? Alex lied having a lack of social life, he had Audrey in his life and that was that, and he didn’t need any more people did he? All this fighting was making him weary, the copious amounts of coffee he had to keep him awake during the last few hours had left him, forcing him to lose the energy that he needed but Anouk and Cass’ voice were ringing through his head. Cass was more spiteful, he was acting like an asshole but Alex didn’t blame him. If the older man had half the courage that Cass had, he would have probably done the same but that wasn’t Alex; he liked to be calm in situation like this. Though he had never been in a situation like this.

He watched in slight awe as Cass continued his little rant, feeling the exact same thing as the younger boy for once, what he had said was entirely all too true but he was annoyed by the fact that he didn’t seem to empathize or show any form of sympathy for Anouk. Should he follow Cass and beat him up or stay with Anouk even if she had just screeched at him to leave. The room was quiet for a moment as the doors swung shut and Alex took a deep sigh. Looking up, he finally looked at Anouk and spoke; she deserved to know it all. “No, none of this is a game. Thank you for taking care of me when needed but like Cass said, I’m just one person who rejected you. Or are you upset at the fact that someone had the guts to say no to you? Is that it? Yes, I lack a social life but I hardly care, I don’t want to end up on a bed in a hospital like you, all right? I’m trying hard to be nice here but whatever he said is true. And I may have pressurized you to tell me but at the end of the day you could have lied to me because I wouldn’t have noticed at all. After all, if I didn’t notice you loving me for the past three years I would hardly notice this right? Sure, it’s going to be difficult for you to bloody get over it, but everyone gets rejected once in his or her life at least, everyone has to go through heartbreak. You didn’t have to go to these extremes to show people what I did to you. Oh sorry, wait. Not me but the drugs, alcohol, excessive medical things as well as me being the little shoves that moved you to do this.” Sighing, he shook his head at her. “But I’ll leave you in peace now since you don’t want me to stay.”

He didn’t say everything…but he said what needed to be said, that was better right?

tagged// anouk/cass!
word count// 900!
thoughts// >>