closed off from love, i didn't need the pain

[michael alexander cecil]

as soon as wesley found out who he was paired up to go on a date with, his jaw almost hit the floor. tommas? wouldn't that make it kind of awkward between them? or maybe tom would just think that it was two friends hanging out. wesley was the only person that knew he had a thing for tommas, and he planned on keeping it that way. he was shy to begin with, rarely made friends. why would he want to risk a friendship that was so important to him? tommas and wesley were... inseparable in paris, and wesley liked it that way. so what did wes do? he bought new clothes, cleaned up as nicely as he could, and did his hair. as wesley stood there looking in the mirror, he realized something. he would eventually have to make a choice.. friendship or more? he would have to make a choice on whether he wanted to push this. it was more than likely that he would keep it at friendship level.

wes looked in the mirror, studying his outfit. he had decided to go with a plaid shirt and a black leather over jacket. his plaid shirt was open just enough that his tattoo's showed on his chest. he wore nice, dark jeans that fit his legs just right. he had his hair slightly up, instead of to the side like he usually wore it. he touched his bottom lip lightly and turned his face to make sure that he didn't have any blemishes on his face. he smiled at himself, and then turned around and grabbed his car keys. wes looked down at his notebook, having written recent lyrics that he thought were decent: "are we staring at the same fear? are we the same people here? finding ourselves in the other? find out we don't like what we see."

he flipped the book closed and walked out the door, to his car, and drove to the park him and tommas had agreed on. as soon as he parked, he pulled off the sunglasses he had thrown on, and stepped out. he briefly glanced around, trying to find tommas. internally, he was praying that tommas wouldn't skip out on their date or forget about it.

tag; tommas & vince
listening to; bleeding love by leona lewis
notes; hehe let the date begin =]

[tommas ugo renda]

At the time, signing up for a blind date had just seemed like something random to do. Something fun, to help fill his time and distract him from whatever stressing thoughts were going through his head. And of course, he had expected the date to be with a stranger. So when he had learned that he was paired up with his best friend, of all people? Well, that had been a little more than surprising. Who would want to go on a supposedly romantic date with someone they'd known for over three years? Hopefully, this wasn't going to be too romantic, because Tom didn't know if he was ready for that. Not with anyone, though if he had to pick, Wesley would probably have been his... well, ideal other. But he couldn't let himself get close to someone like that. He was going back to Calabria in a few years, to officially join the mafia, and even now he was on a mission to kill one of the teachers at La Lumineuse. How could he drag anyone into that? And if he kept the secret from them, how could he explain when he needed to leave? He didn't have a future with anyone, that much was obvious, and he just couldn't hurt Wesley like that. Even if Tom did like him a bit...

Adjusting the collar of his dress shirt, Tom stared at himself in the mirror in his bathroom, absently playing with his lip ring as his chocolate ragdoll cat sat on the counter in front of him and stared up at him. ”I can't pick you up,” he said softly, because that was obviously what the cat wanted. ”You'll get fur all over my shirt!” Wesley already knew that Tom had a cat, but he didn't want to arrive at a date covered in Enrico. That being said, it was just a day in a park, so he wasn't dressed in anything too formal. Just a button-up white dress shirt with sleeves that reached just above his elbows, black jeans, and gray tennis shoes. Tom normally didn't dress up for anything, but this was for Wesley. If the blind date had paired him with a stranger like it was supposed to, he would have just gone in regular clothes and acted like his flirty self until he left and never saw his date again. He couldn't imagine doing that with his friend, though. Yet at the same time, if Wesley was just a friend, then why was Tommas so damned nervous? Tommy had a feeling that he wasn't going to find an answer to that question any time soon.

Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, the dancer scratched Enrico under the chin and made sure that his food and water bowels were full before heading out the door, locking it behind him after making sure that his keys were in his back pocket. The park that they had agreed to meet at wasn't that far of a walk from his flat, and it was a sunny day, so Tom stuffed his hands in his pockets and started walking. If he had been anyone else, he might have been worried about being attacked or having his pockets picked, but the idea didn't bother him. He was well over six feet tall, albeit a bit lanky, and people tended to leave him alone. Anyway, even if someone decided to get in his way, Tom knew how to take care of himself. It wasn't long until he got to the park, walking over to the nearest parking lot, since he guessed that Wes would have arrived in his car. Sure enough, it wasn't long before he spotted the shorter boy, and a smile erupted on his face. ”Wesley!” he called, waving as he walked over to him. ”Haven't seen you in a while,” he added teasingly. Wesley and Tommas were practically inseparable, and since Wesley was one of the only people that had been there and dealt with Tom's sudden personality shift, he was pretty high in Tom's books of important people. ”Missed you,” he said, his voice suddenly soft as he wrapped his arms around Wesley in a small hug.

words 702
notes trololol... cute

[michael alexander cecil]

as soon as wesley saw tommas, his face lit up. it had always been like that for wesley. tommas had always made him happy. he had noticed a personality change in him over the past three years, was curious, but didn't push the matter. whatever he was pushing through, he'd be there for him no matter what. he was wesley's best friend. to be completely honest, wesley would kill for him if the challenge came up. without being obvious, wesley looked tommas up and down. if wesley hadn't been an observant person, he wouldn't have noticed tommas's clothing change, but wesley was, and he did. he hoped that it was because tommas liked him, but as soon as he caught himself wishing that tommas liked him, he shoved the thought to the back of his mind. he didn't want to get his hopes up. that was the last thing he needed to do. wesley moved towards him as soon as he yelled his name, and he embraced tommas as well. it was nice to think that there was some one in the world that cared enough about wes to give him a hug. tommas was the only one that ever did.

"i know man, i've missed you too." he smiled up at him and nudged his shoulder slightly. he turned so that he arm was left looped in tommy's. wes glanced up at tommy again and eyed his lip ring. one of wes's biggest turn ons was a lip ring, and tommy had one. out of all people, tom had one. wes quickly glanced away when a little child yelled and ran by, being chased by another kid. wesley cringed slightly, kids not being his strongest suit. to him, they were the source of all evil. they acted all sweet and innocent, but they were always thinking of ways to outsmart an adult. how could the other adults think otherwise?

"hey tommy," wes said, having always called him tommy. he had never liked calling him tom, and wasn't one for calling him tommas. occasionally he liked to call him tomboy but that was only if he was drunk. wes glanced back up at tommas and felt butterflies flutter in his stomach. he didn't know how tommas could make him feel so nervous, but obviously it was possible. "how have you been? i've had slight withdrawls. i don't know what i'd do if you just vanished one day. i'd go insane." wes laughed slightly and said "go on a killing spree or something until i found you. just to make sure you were okay. not like kidnapped or something." and then wes frowned slightly. "not that i could really do that. i'm so tiny and all." he glanced up at wes and broke out into his huge grin. he couldn't help but feel good around tommas. there was something about him that made wes feel safe.

tag; tommas & vince
listening to; honey bee by blake shelton
notes; <33333

[tommas ugo renda]

It felt nice to be missed, and his smile just got wider when Wesley said that he'd missed him. He wasn't sure if his family missed him or not, and since Wes was the most important person after them, it was nice to hear that he actually, you know, cared about Tom. Sure, he was pretty sure that his family cared, but they were also killers and drug dealers. Until Tom joined their ranks, they would always be a little distant and a little scary, and Tom wasn't exactly sure how much love it was possible for them to hold. Wes, however, was like a puppy in Tommy's mind. Cute, small, and cuddly. Above all, he knew that Wesley cared about him just as much as he cared about Wesley, more or less. It was just nice to feel that, after all the time he'd spent arguing with his family and being viewed as an outcast that deserved some attention, but not much. He sighed slightly when Wesley cut off most of the contact with him, looking around the park at all the couples walking around and families with their children. Tom was pretty indifferent to children, so he didn't really notice the children running past and screaming until Wesley cringed.

”Are you okay, love?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows and looking down at Wes. He lightly rested his free hand on Wesley's jaw in what was supposed to be a comforting way. Tommas never really made a conscious effort to be intimate or affectionate, but it just happened naturally around people he liked. Even around just plain friends like Heloise and Rhea, love was a common name that he threw around, and touching was normal to him. None of the 'boyfriend-y' things he was doing really meant anything; even if he had feelings for Wesley, he had convinced himself that he didn't. After all, being with Wesley just as a friend put him in danger, but that was something that he couldn't avoid. Tom wasn't going to separate himself from Wesley because that would hurt both of them, but he wasn't going to show that he felt anything for him either. The touching and the pet name didn't fall under the category of feeling anything for Wesley, in Tom's mind. Anyway, he'd been doing it forever. Both before and after his little personality shift, Tom had been affectionate. Wesley was probably used to it by now.

”Do you want to move somewhere else? Where there aren't any kids to annoy us?” The questions were accompanied by a tiny smirk, as if Tom knew something that Wesley didn't. Of course, that secrecy fell around his feet when he next spoke. ”We could go get drunk or something,” he teased, wrapping his arms around Wesley's waist and crossing his wrists over his tailbone. It was a lame effort to pull Wesley closer to him, accompanied by a crooked smile that pressed his lip ring against his cheek. ”Or, you know, we could just stay like this... is this what people do on a date?” It was a valid question for Tom to ask; he was more of a one night stand person, and this was the first actual date he'd been on. ”Would it help with your withdrawl?” he asked, granting the smaller boy a kiss on the cheek. Sure, Tom was affectionate by nature, but this was taking it a bit farther than he normally did. The only sad part about it was that even though Tom liked Wesley, this was just a joke. If he got any more serious, who was to say that he wouldn't be rejected? He had to keep the air light, even if it meant covering up some of his feelings. If Wesley wanted to make it more serious, Tom wouldn't have minded that too much... but he wasn't going to assume that the writer liked him in the same way.

words 656
notes uhm... he was odd in this post

[michael alexander cecil]

wesley wasn't sure why he hated children so much, but it was obvious that tommy knew how much he did. but he wasn't going to let children ruin his date with tommy. no, he could avoid them at all cost. if this was going to be his only date with him, there was nothing that could get in the way. wesley turned and looked at tommy once again when he asked if wesley was okay. he just nodded his head and swallowed, suddenly nervous for some reason. he cleared his throat, adjusted his jacket, and said "yeah. children are just.." wesley watched as another one shot by and said "aggressively happy." he looked at the ground when tommy asked him if he wanted to go get drunk. two nights ago he had gone to a bar to drink and had actually been approached by a guy. being wesley, he let the guy sit with him, and they engaged in conversation. the guy had been pretty nice, had too many opposite opinions than wesley for him to actually like the guy. wesley had agreed to go over to his house as well, not intending on having sex with the guy. the other guy obvious expected the opposite when they got there though, and it took a fight for wes to get out of the guy's apartment. wes was lucky he made it out alive with the way he was built. especially with the way the other guy was built. he had been disgustingly big. but wes's agility had freed him.

before wes could reply to tommy, he was embraced in a hug. an awkward one, but a hug nonetheless. automatically, wes leaned in toward tommy and moved so that his body was well aligned with his. if some one had looked at them, they would have thought these two were lovers. there was no doubt about that in wes's mind. as bad as it sounded, that's what wes wanted. he wanted to be with tommy. there just was... complications. even if he didn't know what was going through tommy's mind, he could tell something was bothering him. "yeah i think so," wes responded to his question on whether this is what people did on a date. he was completely sure either. he hadn't ever dated anyone, nor had he had one night stands. wes was a virgin. as humiliated as he was by it, because all of his friends that he knew weren't, he was also proud. he hadn't had sex with anyone. he was saving himself for some one special. some one like tommy.

just as tommy said something, he looked up at him and tommy's kiss landed on his cheek. if he had been prepared, he wouldn't have had his jaw almost hit the floor. wesley's eyes went wide, but he turned away before tommy could see. wes laughed out of nervousness and said "yes that helped it immensely." he joked with tommy, butterflies suddenly shooting in his stomach again. he glanced up at tommy and couldn't help but to look at his lips, and suddenly there was electricity between them. or at least wesley felt it, because he couldn't help but feel the need to kiss tommy. for the longest time, wes's eyes were locked on tommy. "tommy?" wes said between a whisper and clear words, "i think i need a drink."

tag; tommas & vince
listening to; happy by leona lewis
notes; nawwww they are too cute =]

[tommas ugo renda]

Looking at Tom's past of one night stands and flings and whatever else he had come across, people would have thought that someone like him would be much more comfortable with this. But he wasn't, not really. He had forced his body to relax against Wesley so the younger man wouldn't get worried, but his nerves were tense and his emotions were acting a bit too much like Mexican jumping beans for his taste. Why did it have to be Wesley of all people that made him this nervous? The dancer had no problem with kissing, touching, sex, and whatever else he ended up doing with strangers, but it was different with his best friend. Well, of course it was different, but... how could he explain? He had expected it to be better, maybe? He had expected this to be... maybe not easier, but happier. More fulfilling. Even if these were just tiny hugs and kisses that he was sharing with Wesley, Tom had expected it to mean something. The things he did with strangers were just empty actions that made his body happy instead of his mind. Shouldn't hugging someone he honestly had feelings for make his soul happy instead of just being the the same empty actions that he used with other people? Maybe Tom just didn't have a soul anymore, maybe he wasn't able of doing anything that meant something. It was possible. He was slowly becoming a killer, after all...

But that just brought up another point. Tom was part of the mafia, or at least, he would be in a few years. Even now, he was trying to kill someone. Didn't that put Wesley in danger by just being near him? That was a question that could wait for later, though. All this thinking was beginning to hurt Tom's head, just like it always did. Goddammit, this date was supposed to be distracting, not thought triggering! He was even questioning whether he had a soul or not. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just kiss Wesley and get it over with, take out a gun and shoot Lexin in the head? He was always thinking about things instead of just... doing them. ”I think people do other things on dates, too,” he said, the teasing tone in his voice melting away and revealing a streak of panic. Just a small one, though; Wesley would have to be paying Tom a lot of attention to notice it. But somehow, Tommas doubted that anything he did missed Wesley. ”But I'm glad it helped.” It was gone now, but for once in his life, Tom had done the thing that he hated most; showing that he was human, and vulnerable. He was always telling Heloise to look on the positive side of life, even if she lacked feelings, but even Tom himself only pretended to see things in a better light. He was going to have to tell that to Wesley eventually...

He frowned when Wesley turned away, raising one of his hands to poke his shoulder. The other hand was still resting on the smaller man's waist. ”Please don't ignore me,” he whined, almost childishly. Tom thrived on attention, either negative or positive, and being ignored or dismissed was the one thing he couldn't stand. He wasn't obvious with it most of the time, but he lived off affection and attention, and he fell into a kind of rut when he didn't get that. And then Wesley was looking at him again, which made him grin, but there was something else too. The hand that he had used to poke Wesley was still just kind of uselessly resting on his shoulder, so he put it to a better use, cupping Wesley's jaw in said hand and leaning down the few necessary inches to lock his lips with Wesley's. ”A bar or my house?” he asked softly when it was over, staring into the shorter man's eyes. Tom must have had an impulse control disorder or something, because no matter how many times he had told himself to stay away from Wesley in a romantic way, all he could think now was fuck it, they were going to make this work.

words 705
notes random spasm of... i don't even know

[michael alexander cecil]

wesley cracked a smile when tommy made a comment that people did other things on a date. that was something wesley had never experienced before. sex. he had kissed one person before, and that had been a girl. when he thought that he was maybe straight. that was humorous to wesley now. oh how he'd been so lost when he was younger. he'd gone through every stage, and the one that he struggled with the most was denial. he hadn't wanted to be gay because he didn't want to disappoint people around him, but that had been drowned out when he had met tommy the first time. he hadn't ever told tommy, but the time that he had met tommy for the first time... well... wesley would say that it was love at first sight. there was no doubt in his mind what he was when he saw tommy. it was like tommy was the answer to his prayers. god had sent him this guy that immediately talked to wesley, some one who was socially awkward, and tommy had accepted him. they had partied together and immediately clicked as best friends. what they hadn't ever done was sleep together. which was a feet, so wesley heard. many told him that tommy slept around, but wesley still stuck around. he wanted to be a part of tommy's life, and no one was going to tell him differently. then he had to leave italy to come here, and fancy that, tommy ended up coming here as well. if wesley believed in fate, he'd say it was that, but too many things in his life had happened to him to believe in fate. how could so many bad things happen to him, but nothing good? no. there was something good. great even. great and standing next to him at this exact moment.

wesley snapped out of his daydream when tommy told him not to ignore him. he felt a blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks, because he hadn't realized that he was at first. sure, he'd turned away, but he hadn't thought of it was ignoring him. suddenly tommy was cupping wesley's cheek and turning wesley's face towards him. wesley looked at tommy before he brought him in to kiss him. his eyes roamed along the tattoos along his neck, then to the curvature of his jaw. he loved every part of tommy. he cared for him from the lip ring in his lip, to the colors in his eyes. wesley's heart sped up to a racing speed as tommy leaned in to kiss him. oh my god he's going to kiss me was all he could think. wesley leaned up just enough that he went the rest of the way. wesley was extremely gentle when he kissed tommy back, mostly from his nervousness. wesley was slightly shocked at how soft his lips were.

as soon as they pulled apart, wesley's heart beat was up to a dangerous speed, and was almost skipping beats. he glanced back up at wesley as soon as he collected himself, and thought about his question. he was nervous about being alone with tommy, but he was more turned off by the thought of being around so many people at a bar. he cleared his throat and said "your house sounds better. no one annoying will be there." he cracked a smile and looked in tommy's eyes, seeing everything he wanted in him. wesley did the one thing he never thought he'd be brave enough to do: he took tommy's hand in his own. he intertwined their fingers and headed back towards tommy's place.

tag; tommas & vince
listening to; the one that got away by katy perry
notes; awww wesley <3