perish like a fading horse| lily*

[sahara alyson knight]

There had to be something to get her mind off of the itchy feeling that was worming its way outside of her…right? Paris was a great country, there had to be at least one thing which she could use to make her feel normal. She knew what was going to come. Soon, she would start scratching her arms, her neck, her chest, everywhere until someone on the streets would notice and take her to the hospital, but once in the hospital they would find nothing wrong with her and doctors would wonder why she was scratching herself. It was horrible having this sort of disorder, out of all the ones she could have gotten, she got this one. One which made her want to hurt herself just to get to hospital, some people would perhaps say that she was an attention seeker, but Sahara knew she didn’t want the attention. She didn’t even know why she did it, it just happened to her and it was coinciding with her life quite a bit.

So it was the exact reason why she found herself outside a tattoo parlor pacing up and down, if she got something permanent, then maybe it would force her to do something different? Force her to stop herself from acting like an idiot and pretending to have heart pains. But the idea of something permanent on her body was terrifying, imagine if something went wrong? Tattoo removal was painful wasn’t it? More painful perhaps than getting the tattoo in the first place! But Sahara didn’t know what to do anymore, she wanted to be able to stop this disorder from taking over her life, she was starting anew in Paris; so she had to stop herself. Leaning against the brick wall next to the opening of the tattoo parlor, her eyes widened as she heard the quiet buzz from needles from the inside; nope, no way. She was not going to do that at all.

Who cared if she continued having to go to hospital for no damn reason at all? The school knew, and the nearest hospitals knew of he condition as well, so it wouldn’t be a problem at all. Unless Sahara decided to go to a hospital far away…but she doubted that she would do that…hopefully she wouldn’t but time would have to pass for her to know what she would do. Pushing herself off of the wall next to the parlor, she pace walked, forcing herself to walk faster without looking at anybody or anything. And of course that created a problem, her bumping into something. “Shit! I’m so sorry, I didn’t look where I was going!” To stop herself from adding on anything like ‘oh shoot my arm hurts’ or ‘oh crap I think I’m having a heart attack,’ she dug her nails to her skin, a small smile on her face as she hid what she was doing from the person she had bumped into

[lily astrid hills]

Lily walked quietly down the streets of Paris, a bag slung over her shoulder. She was dressed in denim capris, tennis shoes, and a light blue top and jacket. Her hair was down and around her shoulders as usual. The day was bright, sunny, with a few white clouds in the sky. Though her mood didn't really reflect the weather. It had been one of those days when she just wanted to curl up and bed, and sleep for hours. But she hadn't. She had forced herself to get out of bed, and do something. She had to get into a more social life, meet people, do things, and actually freaking move on. That was what her doctor had suggested. He had told her to get out more, to stop staying home all day. He had actually been the one to suggest she leave New York City, and move someplace else. He hadn't expected her to cross an ocean, but Paris had seemed like the right city to move to. Thousands of miles away from her old life.

The doctor hadn't really been sure if what she struggled with had been depression, or just grief. He had prescribed medication, but it hadn't done any good. Finally, he had just said to get out, and have some fun. It had seemed kinda impossible at the time, but now, maybe not so much. France was a wonderful country, with so many things to do and see. Her old life seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago.

So, here she was, following doctor's orders, and getting out. He actually called every once in a while to check on her, and had even suggested a couple doctors in Paris, should she begin feeling poorly again. Though she knew she would never go to them. She hated doctor's offices. They always asked questions she didn't want to answer, and if she acted the least bit sad, would freak out, and start giving her medication to fight it off.

She continued walking, not really paying any attention to the people around her. And the next thing she knew, a girl was bumping into her. She quickly apologized, and Lily smiled a little. "It's cool, I wasn't really paying much attention either." She replied.

[sahara alyson knight]

She had only just really entered the Paris life a few months ago and in the few months that she had been here, she felt much better than usual. Maybe it was just the unusual environment, being able to look outside your window to see a historic monument, or being in a place which embodied the art of romance a lot…it was just all so romantic and adorable and it made Sahara feel in instantly better. But even then, it did take a while to feel good about herself, It was weird, back at home it probably would have been raining, or freezing, and although Paris was just a few miles away, the atmosphere in this country was better than the one back in England. It was horrible of her to say though, she didn’t seem like a patriot to her country, but she was and she did miss it. But it was time to move on, sooner or later she would move on from Paris too and she would be just a distant memory to a lot of people like she was all the time; so no need to worry anymore right?

Smiling at the girl that Sahara had just recently bumped into, she nodded her head. Just like this, she was sure that this girl wouldn’t remember her in a day or two’s time, she would be a distant memory again, but whoever thought of people they met on the streets? The way Sahara thought always made her feel as if her lie was coming to an end shortly, but it wasn’t. She knew that but she acted like it would. And who knew, this lying disorder could definitely be the end of her. So instead of walking away, she decided to stand her ground, still smiling at the blonde headed girl in front of her. “You actually look pretty familiar, not form La Luminese are you?” Her British accent became quite clear from the word ‘you,’ and Sahara didn’t mind. She liked people knowing that she wasn’t from around; it just gave for more topics to talk about.

“I’m Sahara by the way, a third year drama student at the Academy.” Extending her arm, she opened her hand for a handshake, her fingers flexing slightly as she thought she felt a shot of pain go up through her arm; this was truly ridiculous.

[lily astrid hills]

Lily intended to stay in Paris awhile. Maybe even for good. She had no intentions of moving back to the United Staes, no matter how wonderful a country it was. She did feel a certain sense of patriotism towards it, it was her country after all, but right now, it just wasn't where she was meant to be. Maybe it never would be. She had about 1 and half years of school left, and when she finished, she thought she might settle down, and live here for a while. She loved France, and saw no reason to leave.

She returned her thoughts back to the girl, giving her a quick smile. She spoke, and it be clear that she was Britsh. Lily herself had never visted England, though she figured she might one day. It wasn't too far from here, and would be a nice place to take a vacation to. She shook her head. "No, I'm from the United States. Only been here a few months." Usually by the time she spoke to people, they could tell she was an American by her accent. Or lack of. She didn't really hear much of an accent in her voice, though maybe that was just because she spoke it. For all she knew, people with a British accent didn't hear much of one in their voice either.

"I'm Lily. I'm a third year student in writing at the Academy." She said with a smile, shaking Sahara's hand, not noticing the small flex.