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Post by alexei leon fournier on Dec 17, 2011 17:02:45 GMT -5
saturday seventeenth december, 2011 There’s a moment in everyone’s lives when they make a mistake, it doesn’t matter how small or how big it is, humans are prone to mistakes;; no one is perfect and everyone knows that; though we still strive for it. Look at me, striving for perfection my balancing my social, love and professional life. There is no perfection though, Keeping Anouk hidden away from people...that’s exactly what I want, but I don’t want it either. I’m so confused with everything, I know she doesn’t find us being hidden from everyone, but many people already know of our relationship and I’m pretty much sure that they’ll figure it out eventually, especially with the way we both act around each other. But forcing her to have a cover boyfriend? I admit, at the beginning when the idea had first struck me, it sounded genius, I thought: ‘there was no way the both us could get hurt!’ No way at all, but I was wrong wasn’t I?
I mean, here I am, sitting at home in my room, writing this while she’s off God knows where with the boyfriend, Nick. He’s an asshole. Maybe I shouldn’t make that assumption yet seeing as I haven’t met him, but I don’t care right now, because he is one. He doesn’t spend enough time with her...what am I even saying? I should be happy about that, because it means more time with me. Though balancing work, Sophia, Anouk and the family hasn’t really been a rollercoaster, I seem to spend more time with Sophia instead of Anouk lately. Ever since she had come back from the Spain trip with the boyfriend, I’ve been acting strange. I don’t even know what I’m feeling, but I’m trying to feel happy. Happy and good, I just want Anouk to know that I love her a lot. But I’m sure she does. My thoughts are all jumbled up right now, I’m not sure in which order to write them down in.
I’m hungry. I miss Anouk. My body craves the feel of a paint brush in my hand. I miss Sophia. Wait...that wasn’t supposed to come out. Damn. I better go; this writing down things isn’t good for me.
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Post by alexei leon fournier on Dec 21, 2011 17:11:09 GMT -5
wednesday twenty first december, 2011 Not much has happened lately, nothing to make me sad or happy. Anouk's still here, which means I'm happy of course but there's something worrying, something that I haven't told Anouk yet. Sophia's becoming impatient quite a bit with me, she wants sex or something more than just kissing, I can tell. Every time I pull away from hugging her or kissing her she starts getting annoyed with me, so I have to do something about that. I think it's time for me to break up with her. And there's something I have to do with Anouk too, though that'll have to wait until New Years and I don't want to say it in here in case I accidentally leave my journal somewhere. At least I know what my priorities are and what I have to do, that's one thing a lot of people don't have. I might even have to get someone's help in this, just who it is, is the question...
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Post by alexei leon fournier on Jan 12, 2012 15:01:53 GMT -5
thursday twelfth january, 2012 So last time I said that I had to do something to Anouk which had to wait until new year’s, the plan was brought early though since she became slightly jealous of my friendship wit Audrey, though I have no idea why. Audrey’s just a friend, a girl that I have fun with and can speak to about, it’s just like how Cass is her ‘soul mate,’ in a way Audrey is my ‘soul mate’ too. It just doesn’t make sense, if Anouk is allowed to be close to Cass then why can’t I be close to Audrey? It’s not as if I’ve done anything wrong right…? Right? I’m not sure. Females are extremely difficult to understand, their mind works in a different way in comparison to males so I can’t really say much about this.
But other than that little hitch, the New Year has started off with a big bang! ANOUK AND I ARE ENGAGED! Yes, that’s right, we’re engaged. I proposed to her, it was Audrey’s idea to move the date forward in asking her and we’re hitched now and all there’s left to do is plan the wedding. So much has happened that it’s pretty surprising that I don’t feel like fainting. We’ve told our parents, moved into our apartment and everything feels amazing.
Though now I can’t explain my feelings anymore. You know how some people feel happy, some sad and some maybe even angry? Yeah, I don’t feel any of that at all, I think I feel empty…yes empty. It seems to be the best way to explain everything right at this very moment. I think something’s going to happen soon. Like said before, or thought before, something’s going to happen. Anouk has been acting distant, I know she’s slightly upset about breaking up with that Nicholas, she was happy with him, of course he worked loads but she was happy. Why do I feel like I’ve taken her away from her happiness? Would she be better off with that guy? I remember thinking that when I was in the hospital after her suicidal attempt, would she have been better off with Cass?
On a lighter note I guess, my gallery seems to be doing well, I’m acting pretty much normal and haven’t had to take any medication as far as I know. Isn’t that great? I think I’m becoming pretty much normal now, slightly more sociable than how I was before. Mom would be so proud of me if she were here…
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