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Post by audrey emily hathaway on Dec 17, 2011 23:21:21 GMT -5
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Post by audrey emily hathaway on Dec 17, 2011 23:34:57 GMT -5
 » december seventeen
it's been a couple months since i was last here. in france. physically and mentally. there was this huge scandal going on in the mother country. except i didn't disappear just because of that. i felt lonely, like a piece of me was missing. of course, this isn't something that i can tell anyone. everyone's busy with their own things. everyone has someone else. i guess i'm the one who's alone again. the girl next door. well, i don't really mind. i need to focus on my studies anyways.
but there's that nagging thought behind my head that makes me think that maybe i'm not good enough for anyone. maybe i won't find someone, i can't be happy. that it's not possible for me. maybe it was some higher power's way of punishing me for my life and how selfcentered i was. but that's okay. i guess. i mean, i didn't come to paris to find a love life. i came here to get away from my mother country. except i miss england now. i miss my family and everyone else. but i also missed this city too. i don't know where i should go and what i should do.
and there's so many new people who i don't know! the people that i was friends with and stuff... we just all drifted away. i don't know what happened. it was probably just because i disappeared without a trace. well.. now that i'm back here, i guess i just need to start off where i left off. i better start playing the guitar again. i better stop thinking of people..
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Post by audrey emily hathaway on Dec 27, 2011 19:08:31 GMT -5
  » december twenty-seventh
anouk and i are all better now, i just couldn't believe that she would suspect that i was having some sort of relationship with alexei behind her back. well at least that was over with. i went on the blind date thing, it was really just another big show so that anouk would get rid of her suspicions, and so that i would at least know that i'm not the only single person surrounded by couples. jaykob's nice and cute, and he's quite funny too. but don't think that we'd be more than friends. well, i'm not really. i don't even know if we would be friends. we're different.
but that doesn't really matter, cass and i are polar opposites but we managed to be friends... right? i miss england, the weather here isn't much better than london, but at least in london the snow doesn't melt as quickly and become this slushy gray stuff.
i really need to focus on my studies. and my guitar playing, there just hasn't been much time for it i'm afraid.. and i just don't know what i should cover next. there's this big assignment that i have to do before the break ends so that i can make up for the time that i lost- not that i really need to, since my parents "donated" money...
sometimes i wish i was born into a regular family.. so i wouldn't get special treatment and all of that. i think i'll go to australia next time.. or maybe i should learn korean and go to korea. the music there is pretty good, and i'm sure that there are wonderful musicians whom i could play with. i'm not sure.. i'll go ask my parents when the new year starts.
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