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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 4, 2012 19:23:53 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] December 15th 2011 Okay, well… this is a little awkward. Well, for me it is. I’ve never really had a diary before so this is all so new to me. I feel like I’m talking to myself, which makes me feel just the slightest bit crazy… haha… Oh, that didn’t help anything. I don’t even… know why I bought you, to be honest. I just heard that having you would be helpful. Maybe it’ll make me feel as if someone out there cares about what’s going on in my life… You know? I really should just go to a psychiatrist but… you are so much cheaper and cheaper is my budget at the moment. I just kind of need an outlet. I need to talk but I don’t want to be heard. No one needs to know about my troubles because Artemis Adrian Monroe is above problems. Right? Yeah, I wish. Everyone has their troubles, I assume. I’m no different. I’ve always had a financial issue but I managed to get by. I had a decent job and everything. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself. But… That’s not enough anymore. I don’t invest enough time into work for it to help anymore. School has to come first, doesn’t it? My education is important, right? Well, I can’t have an education without work. But I can’t learn if I’m at work and it’s just all so... fucking, I don’t know. School costs shit loads, food costs a lot, then there’s my phone and my social life I need to keep intact or I will lose my god damned mind.
But who am I kidding? My social life is falling apart. Anouk has Alexei, Deimos has everyone else… Luke is gone.
Luke is gone.
Christmas is going to be crappy, I can just feel it. I don’t have money to get anyone anything but they all sounded like they were going to get me something. Which makes me feel like shit, you know? And I just know I’m going to spend it alone because that’s just my luke luck (fuck you typo… spell-o? error, whatever). Deimos likes someone else and Luke is gone. Gone. Just like that. I don’t even know what the hell happened to him. And I can’t get him off of my mind if you didn’t notice. How embarrassing. I can’t even write right. I just can’t believe he dropped off the face of the planet like that.
God, I sound like a soap opera. This is pathetic! Haha... I sound so melodramatic, don't I? I need to get my shit in gear. I don’t know what I’m going to do, though.. But I guess talking to you does help so maybe you’ll see more of me later… after I figure things out a little more. I should go to bed though. Night. ♥
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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 4, 2012 20:44:18 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] December 25th 2011 Merry Fucking Christmas!
Okay, maybe it’s not the merriest but it’s not completely horrible. It could be a lot worse. I could live out on the streets in a box, for gods sake! But I don’t. And I’m thankful for that. I live in a small but nice little studio apartment. Of course you know that. You live here too, after all. Right there in the false bottom of my dresser where I forgot all about you. At least until I pulled the drawer out and turned it upside down so I could go through all my clothes. Pop! You fell right out. I’m sorry I forgot about you but life has been hectic.
I’ve been working my ass off (haha!) so I could at least have a decent Christmas. Which I kind of am having, I guess. I mean… I’m all alone but… There’s a turkey in the oven – a fucking turkey!! – and I have other things cooking. I also bought a brand new pen (after I found you…) just to write in you in. I also have new chalks for art. All thanks to my new job~. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. There it was staring me right in the face. My mother made money doing it. Granted, she never spent an ounce of it on her fucking children. But… She had money. And I know I said I would never end up like her but when my landlord visited and I didn’t have enough for rent… He suggested… I mean… I was disgusted at first. Absolutely repulsed by the idea. But it was either that or eviction. Artemis isn’t made for the streets. He’s meant to survive on next to nothing. And that’s what I’m doing.
Ugh! The one thing your not good for is advice. But this is our dirty (again… haha!) little secret, okay? I know what I’m doing isn’t the best but it’s just until I get back on my feet. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had turkey?
And there goes the timer. Gotta go cook again. Caoi. ♥
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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 4, 2012 21:50:40 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] December 31st 2011 Well… This is depressing. Another holiday and I’m left alone. With a bottle of wine. Fan-fucking-tastic. It’s New Year’s Eve and I have no one to kiss with the clock strikes twelve! Who am I supposed to celebrate the fact that we survived another year on this earth? I mean, with all the shit that’s going on, we’re all lucky to be alive. Pollution is rotting the ozone (or so they say, but hell… who knows) and poisoning our lungs, diseases are all over the place and just… a lot of other things. We made it through the year, though. No zombie attacks, no plagues, no natural disaster (at least none that took out all the countries). I just hope we can say the same about next year. I mean, there’s supposed to be an apocalypse and everything. The Mayans predicted it~. Or at least that’s where their calendar ends. It simply just says, “The end of the world as we know it.”
As we know it.
It means the end of an era, not the end of the world itself. And frankly, I don’t doubt it. Technology is taking over our lives. Did you know people have blogs now instead of diaries? Soon you will be a dying breed. They have books on little computers and there’s a new version of the ipod every year. Technology is evolving. Soon we’ll have robots. Hell! We have robots now! It’ll take over our lives, you know. That’s just how we are. We go until we’re destroyed.
Oh wow. Listen to me. I sound like I believe robots are going to kill us all. That is not true. I don’t think that.
Ugh, I need to go out and have some fun… No, what I need is my Luke. I miss him. So much. He’s who I want to kiss in about… thirty minutes. I want to celebrate the New Year with him. I want him here with me. Though, like my mother always said, “Wants in one hand and shit in the other, why don’t you sit around and see which one fills up first.” Haha, mother. Ha. Ha.
I hope you know I miss you Luke. I have since the moment you disappeared. But I’m going to go out and party. No use drinking on my own. That only leads to bad, bad things. But you were my first choice, Luke. You would always have come first. ♥
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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 5, 2012 12:29:09 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] January 15th 2012 So, I was looking at myself in the mirror earlier today and I’ve realized that… I’m a lot skinnier than I used to be. I don’t quite understand why, either. I mean, yeah my activity has increased since I started my new “job” but so has my intake of food. Shouldn’t I be the same (unless the nasty burns a lot more calories than I thought it did)? I’ve been able to eat a lot more not that I have so much money. Hell, my fridge is actually full of food for once! But I can see and count my damn ribs. That’s not attractive, is it? I mean, no unless someone’s a necrophiliac, I suppose. I mean… I practically look like a skeleton. I kind of have to be pretty for my “job” or else those skanky ass crackheads will take what’s mine. So how do I propose to fix the problem?
Chocolate.
And nothing is more chocolate-y than no bake cookies. Goobly-gooks is what I’ve heard them called. So I looked up the recipe and set to baking! Or not baking. Whatever. Everything was going GREAT, too. I mean… I followed that shit to the bone. But… They didn’t turn out right. They weren’t very gooky. And they didn’t stay together when I was spooning them out onto the wax paper. So I got a cookie sheet and just scraped out whatever I could (burnt the bottom of those things so they stuck like a leech) and then flattened it out over the cookie sheet to make no bake brownies or something. Well… They looked disgusting (not like they really looked good when done correctly) so I decided to heat up Nutella and spread it over the top.
I caught my fucking microwave on FIRE!! I heard this strange noise kind of like popping but not really and then I looked and there were blue fucking flames! Turned out there was still some aluminum top around the edges of the container. So yeah… I need a fucking chef and a new microwave.
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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 6, 2012 22:37:52 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] January 26th 2012 Luke is back and all is right in the world. In fact, he came back last night and just left this morning. No, nothing happened. Not tonight. Not after seeing a "client". God, I feel so dirty now. Nothing could scrub the layer of filth that has collected on my body. Not the hottest shower or the sharpest steel wool. I wish I could just shed this skin and be something new. Something clean. Something special... Why did I get in this?
Ugh, enough depressing. Luke is back! He's back! And he came to me first. Of course, he promised me he would. It was.. romantic. At least in my eyes. I mean, I was just walking back home and he was there on my doorstep. With a puppy, too. We named her Ariel. Well... I named her Ariel. She's the cutest thing on the face of the earth. I'll have to draw her in here sometime but not today. Luke and I are going to take turns sharing her and see how that goes.
God, how easily did this boy take my heart? I must have worn in on my sleeve but... I hold no regrets. At least not with how our relationship has developed. Perhaps with a few choice actions on my part, but he doesn't have to know. This won't be forever. I won't let it be forever. I just... don't know.
I'm just glad I was able to see him again. I'm so excited yet I can't seem to get it down with ink! I'll have to try paints. Sorry, love. You can never replace art. Ciao. ♥
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Post by artemis adrian monroe on Feb 7, 2012 21:48:33 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 500px;] February 7th 2012 I had the strangest urge to watch Harry Potter today. All of them. Of course, I didn’t. I didn’t have the time for that nor do I own any of the movies to begin with. But that urge was still there. To qualm that itch, I decided to youtube a few videos of each of the characters (that I could remember…) and then I came across this little… girl. Luna Lovegood. She’s a complete space case surrounded in a shell of utter wackadoodle. Seriously. She’s just… insane. She speaks in this soft voice and always has a ghost of a smile on her lips or a glitter of curiosity in her eyes. Something always seems to awe her and her dialect (is that right? Dialect?) is pretty interesting. And this is just the normal stuff about her. There’s all kinds of crazy in her head. Despite all of this, she doesn’t care. Everyone thinks she’s crazy (who wouldn’t?) after all. A fuck she does not give. And I was thinking…
Maybe I should stop giving my fucks (haha!) too. Would that make things easier? Would it make life more peaceful? Would I stop worrying? Probably not. Miss Crazy over there was born without a fuck. I, on the other hand, was born with many. I can’t help but to care what people think about me. I crave that attention, don’t I? Sad to say it’s true. Is that all I am, now? An attention whore? Please tell me otherwise. If I am, then so is everyone else.
I don’t really have a lot to say tonight. Sleep well. Work calls. ♥
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