leaving for good| luke

[koby asher mannix]

Shopping with Luke…well that really wasn’t his idea of fun but ever since he had come back from a ten minute grocery shopping walk and entered their apartment to see his brother covered in blood…well never again was Koby ever leaving Luke on his own inside the apartment they shared. What good would it do for him? Sometimes Koby didn’t like playing the older brother role, what was the point? Would it be better if Luke died and Koby could just live his life on his own? The answer should have been yes, but of course Koby would never say that. That would probably just make him a horrible brother and person.

The February winds were blowing quite hard; it was cold even though spring was supposed to be just around the corner. Glancing behind him to make sure that Luke was following him and didn’t end up turning the other way or going around a different corner just because he didn’t want to do grocery shopping with Koby. Trust me, there were a few mishaps where Koby went crazy because he couldn’t find Luke anywhere. There were moments when the eighteen year old was in class and he would start wondering where his brother was, what the older brother was doing and once he was out of class his phone would be in his hand, dialing his brother’s number quite quickly just to hear him say ‘what?’ or ‘stop fucking calling me.’

Of course his brother’s constant rudeness did annoy Koby, there was no harm in him being over protective was there? Sometimes Koby couldn’t help but to wonder if it was his over protectiveness that lead to Luke slicing himself open…those thoughts made him shiver as soon as he entered the grocery store, which was good as he could easily blame the cold on the entrance of wind from the outside. Looking around, he pulled his coat closer to his body and pulled out a shopping cart, slowly walking towards the fruit and veg section. Looking back at Luke once more, he let out a sigh and walked towards the bananas. Stopping for a second he picked up a bunch, inspected them with his keen eye and put them in a decent corner of the trolley.

Their conversations were tight lipped nowadays, Koby only speaking when Luke actually spoke first, or Koby only speaking when he needed Luke to do something or be somewhere at a specific time. The younger male just wanted to ignore his brother for a little while. In fact, he didn’t even want to come back to Paris, blaming the city and the friends that his brother made to be a part of the cause that forced him to do what he did. There could have been many factors indeed to cause Luke to hurt himself, but Koby didn’t want to know what they were, fearing that he may be the first person on the list. Picking up a bag of grapes, he looked at them, put it back where they came from and picked up another, placing it in the trolley after a few seconds. “What other fruits do you want?” Glancing at Luke, he let out a small, inaudible sigh as he finally decided to converse with his brother.

tagged| luke. word count| 538. muse| blargh. thoughts| heheh?

[luke]

Death. Odd way to start a train of thoughts, right? Well, not for Luke. Death was something that he thought about a lot these days, especially when he was around his brother. It wasn't that Koby was a very reaper-like person, but he just made Luke think about things that he would rather hide in the back of his head. It was only Luke, too. When anyone else looked at his younger brother, the thoughts that would probably be going through their head might be something along the lines or 'stoic', 'boring', or 'lame'. Or maybe Luke was just biased on those three, as he certainly though that Koby was 'all of the above'. But when Luke looked at his brother, along with the things mentioned above, all he could think of was death. Koby had been there for both of the times that Luke had tried to kill himself, and even though his brother had saved Luke's life, it wasn't a very positive association. Not to say that Koby was a reason that Luke had tried to kill himself, though. There were so many other reasons, at least, the first time. Maybe Koby had been one of the reasons the second time around, but... yeah, Luke wasn't ever going to tell him that. Even when he was aiming to upset his younger brother, he wasn't going to hit that low.

“Yeah, so Koby, you're one of the reasons that I tried to kill myself.” How horrible would that be to hear? No, even when Luke was furious with his brother, he was never going to say something like that. Even if it was true, there was a line that he wasn't going to cross when he was trying to offend his brother. Maybe if he ever tried to kill himself again, that would be his note to Koby or something... but no, he had to stop thinking about that. That wasn't something that was allowed these days, or ever, really. ”Koby, is there anything to drink?” he asked quietly, touching the pill box that he always carried around in his pocket. He wasn't sure that his brother had heard him, though. He seemed to be preoccupied with picking out food, which was normal. Koby was always ignoring him, and Luke was fine with that. He didn't think that he needed his brother to take care of him, though there were still those times when he broke down and started crying. He made sure that that never happened around Koby, though. He couldn't allow his brother to see that he was less than fine, or he'd be shipped back to Australia again. That was something that he didn't want.

Luke had managed to make friends, and he wasn't ready to leave them yet. There were people here that he loved, like Artemis and Anouk. Luke would be upset if he had to tear himself away from them again. He had already accepted that his last suicide attempt had been stupid because there had been some people that cared about him, and they had missed him. Of course, none of them really cared about him anymore, save for Artemis... and when it came to Artemis, wasn't Luke just troubling him by coming back? He was just making things so much more complicated for the younger student, and honestly, it would probably be better for everyone if Koby had taken a little bit longer to go shopping the last time... ”Koby!” he snapped, looking up from the ground. ”Strawberries, and where's a water fountain or something? I need something to drink.” The comment about fruit was an answer to his brother's question, but the rest was more of a demand. Even when he was in a low mood like this, there were still lucid moments when he realized that trying to hurt himself again would just get him in trouble with Koby. It hadn't worked the first few times, had it? It would be stupid to try again, and the moment that he realized that, it was always necessary to take his pills again before he just sank even deeper into the wrong type of thoughts.

words 694
tag kobo!
notes didn't give you much to reply to D:
muse i couldn't stop him from being suicidal.. 8| sorry

[koby asher mannix]

It may have sounded weird, or maybe even slightly weird for a boy to say, but shopping did in fact calm him down. Not the clothes shopping, or the stationary shopping but the grocery shopping. Looking at different items, checking their sell by dates and your eyes just fixed on them, well that was best for him because it gave him something else to think about apart from the fact that his own brother tried to kill himself and that he was feeling slightly homesick. He missed Australia, the sunshine, the farm, and the animals that he befriended. Of course, Koby had no real friends back there but at least he had familiarized himself with everything, he knew everyone and everything in the small town they lived in. It was just easy and simple to know his place there. He was the little geek, the one who had hid between the books that gave him an imagination and the braces that covered him and made him an easy target. He thought it was a good place to be, but now coming to Paris…well the entire balance of his life just changed hadn’t it? He had to try and make sure that nothing changed, he didn’t want to attach himself to a new place when he knew that he was going to go straight back to Australia once Luke decided to slip up again or when his older brother was becoming better.

He wondered if Luke was ever homesick, did he miss their parents or was he just so adamant to get out of the place which they called home, that he didn’t even think to spare a thought for them. But it was just something that the brothers never spoke of. What was the point? Ever since Luke’s second apparent suicide the relationship between both of them had been tenser than it ever had been before. Koby didn’t believe that the therapy actually worked or whether Luke actually even went to therapy when told to, but this was what he needed. Some paid guy or girl to listen to his problems and then just give him a little diagnosis, which anyone with eyes could give. He didn’t flinch, didn’t hear when Luke called out to him for something to drink, his eyes preoccupied on the little box of summer berries that were grouped together. Now maybe that could make a nice smoothie?

A mental list in his mind, he checked off fruits in his head when Luke hadn’t replied to his question and moved forward slightly to let other shopped pass beside him. Now all that was left was…a loaf of bread, a few junk snacks just to make things good, some drinks and juices, maybe some pastries or those oven pizzas that he could make himself…and that was it right? His eyes were turned into a little frown as he wondered what else there could be, until a sudden voice got him out of his little mind. He raised an eyebrow, the pouch that was strapped around his body held a water bottle, which he carried with him all the time just in case it was needed. It also contained a bandage, a few plasters, some painkillers and some antiseptic cream; you never knew when he needed all this. Opening his bag, he passed the water bottle to his brother slowly, picking up a package of strawberries and placing them nicely in his little trolley. “Here” Looking at his brother carefully, he avoided eye contact and let out another sigh. “You OK?”

tagged| luke. word count| 593. muse| blargh. thoughts| bad luke! no suicidal thoughts!